Yesterday was a day of extremes...
The first phone call came in the afternoon from my adoption agency letting me know that I am now the next mom who will receive a referral of a child! There are no longer any families ahead of me on the wait list. How amazing! Thank you Lord! I feel like I'm on cloud 9! I am told that I will likely receive my referral this Summer - meaning Hannah will likely be coming home this Fall! I am full of excitement, anticipation and all around joy!
Then the second phone call, around 6pm, from my boss, calling to let me know of some immediate changes in the structure of our business relationship. Sadness and fear set in! I have had it all planned out in my head - how my time off from travel will work and how I'll provide for Hannah and I during that time - that is all questionable now - at least in the way I had it all planned out. I feel like the clouds are moving in and my heart is deflated! What was joy and anticipation earlier in the day is now clouded by worry. So many questions run through my head - how will I be able to take my maternity leave? how will I have a steady income during my time off the road?
Last night I spent some time in prayer, and I sensed the Lord is reminding me of His promise to me "I will provide." And I believe that wholeheartedly! But my feelings don't seem to follow!
Today as I am driving around running errands a verse from a Psalm comes to mind....
Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.
I immediately recognize that I have been putting my hope in my plans, in my job, and not in God! The one who has opened all of the doors to make this happen!
Forgive me Lord for trusting more in my plans than in Yours! And thank You for the hope that You have planted in my heart for Your provision for Hannah!