Hoping for Hannah

3 years ago today....

2011-06-11T21:55:00.002-06:00

I received referral photos of the beautiful Aishola and knew she would be my daughter.
I find myself thinking of her today....wondering if she is running along the shore of Lake Issyk-kul with some siblings? Continuing to pray for her and her forever family. Feeling forever grateful that she isn't still waiting in an orphanage in Kyrgyz while the government delays and denies the damage they cause to the littlest victims.
Still grieving a bit that I was never able to complete her adoption...
Hannah Aishola you will forever be in my heart!

Adoption Part Two

2010-10-30T23:48:00.002-06:00

Come follow along on my new adventure!

I'm blogging about it here: http://adoptionparttwo.blogspot.com/

101st and last post

2010-08-01T21:54:00.003-06:00

Wow - I just realized that my Happy Birthday to Moonbeam post was my 100th post! Crazy!
Anyhow, I've decided this will be my last post here on Hoping for Hannah - so sad that it has come to this....but sweet Moonbeam is with her new family and I am not certain if I will be getting any updates - I'm still hoping, but as of now it doesn't seem likely. I will continue to pray for her and she will always be in my heart!
This journey has taken so many unexpected twists and turns. I am so thankful that none of this has taken God by surprise and that even though I don't really understand why things have turned out the ways they have - His plan is still unfolding....He is still in control!
I am starting a new adoption journey - I will be blogging about it here. I hope and pray it will end differently, but I know that no matter the outcome I will still be His.
One thing I have definitely learned during this journey to adopt is that this is not just my journey - I am amazed at the ways God has impacted others through my journey - huh? You mean it's not all about me? :)
I re-discovered this post on another of my blogs and it really fits with where I'm at now....this journey is not just my own...hope you'll join me.

Happy 4th Birthday, Moonbeam

2010-07-30T18:31:00.000-06:00

Happy birthday sweet Moonbeam! I am thinking of you today and wishing I could be there to celebrate with you and your family! I am having daydreams of you and your cousins and friends playing outside, eating ice cream and pastries! Opening presents! Celebrating you!
I cannot begin to tell you, sweet girl, how happy I am to know you are with your family and not making a move this week to the older kids' orphanage!
I do miss you though and wish that I could be there to sing and celebrate with you!
Happy Birthday - I will always be praying for you! You will always have an Auntie in Colorado who loves you!

Kyrgyz Interim Leader is on Facebook!

2010-05-15T17:08:00.003-06:00

Roza Otunbayeva, Kyrgyzstan's interim leader is hip enough to be on facebook :)
Which means she is far "hipper" than I am! :)

Click here for a link to her facebook page.

This am she posted a message to the 65 waiting families lettting the whole world know that she does, in fact, know about the waiting kiddos and stating that they will be reunited with their families. Moonbeam has a family now, but there are still many waiting children and I know she would want her buddies to be with their forever families! So, if you are also "hipper" than I am and you are on facebook - would you please post a comment in support of Ms. Otunbayeva and request that she continue to pursue every avenue available to her to make a way for these children to be with their waiting families.

And, beyond that please be praying for Roza!

Thanks and an Update

2010-05-08T18:02:00.003-06:00

First, let me say a million thanks to all of you who have left comments, sent me emails and called to encourage! I am so thankful for all of you! I feel supported, understood and loved! Thank you!
Next, let me say this has been one of the hardest weeks! I spent most of it alternating between celebrating and grieving - I am completely exhausted.
I spoke with my agency this evening and she had an update from our in country coordinator that was again both heartbreaking and heartwarming. She says that Hannah has in fact, gone to live with relatives. When they came to take her home, I am told she was very confused, upset and kept asking for me - she wanted to see my pictures and kept asking where I was? Sweet girl - as much as is possible for a three year old she truly was waiting for me and that really warms my heart! I hope I will be able to stay in touch with her. My coordinator says that she will contact them in the Fall after they have had time to settle in and ask if it would be OK for me to write her. I truly hope so!
Again, thank you so much to each of you who have shown your love, support and understanding of this painful journey.

An Answer to Prayer

2010-05-02T20:01:00.003-06:00

Back on March 6th I posted about the change in my prayer for Moonbeam. I started praying specifically for a family in Kyrgyz to adopt her - before her 4th birthday!

Just under two months later and God has answered that prayer. My agency coordinator called today to let me know that relatives have returned to the BBH to adopt Moonbeam. She tells me that she first heard about this three weeks ago, but was waiting to share with me until she knew for sure that it would be happening.

As I type through my tears, heartbroken that I will not get to be her mama, I am also thrilled to know she will not wait any longer, she will not move orphanages in July - instead she will celebrate her birthday with her forever family - and that makes me want to jump for joy!

I am forever changed by this process. I am honored that I have been able to pray for and love Moonbeam for the past 23 months. And that honor will not stop now. I will continue to pray for her and for her forever family.

In the News

2010-04-26T12:36:00.002-06:00

Lots of press recently - too bad it isn't good news :(

Friday April 23rd - Associated Press Writer David Crary - find story here

Friday April 23rd - Washington Post article about the base - find story here

Wednesday April 21st - Laurie Rich story published in Newsweek - find story here
Recognize the mom and daughter strolling the grounds of the BBH?

Wednesday April 21st - Moscow Times article about Kyrgyz - find story here

Haven't posted in awhile...

2010-04-24T22:15:00.003-06:00

mainly because it is just so hard to put into words all that has happened over the last few weeks. From the high of the Family Code legislation that could pave the way for the starting of international adoptions again being passed in parliament waiting for the president to sign after a 30 day public comment period to the low of that very parliament being dissolved by an interim government...I just don't know what to say anymore.

I pray that this leads the way for a brighter future for Kyrgyzstan overall, but I am fearful that sweet Moonbeam and the other waiting children will be the littlest victims in the battle for that brighter future.

As I write that last sentence I am crying....again.

Happy Easter

2010-04-04T20:01:00.003-06:00

He is risen!
I am thankful for such a beautiful and very meaningful Easter weekend. Starting with a Good Friday service which was very powerful, moving into a prayer vigil and then a very moving Easter service this am. Each year I am more convinced that you cannot truly experience the joy of Easter without experiencing the weight of your sin on Good Friday - the very sin that pinned Jesus to the cross.
Easter is all about hope! If Jesus was just a good man who died for a cause then that's it - the story is over and it means little to us today! But He was and is so much more than that. The Son of God - who died to reconcile us to God - resurrected and triumphing over death and sin and all that separates us from a loving God who desires a relationship with us!
Thank you Jesus for your sacrifice! Thank you for the cross which allows me to draw near now! The veil is torn - the victory is yours!
He is risen!
He is risen indeed!

Sweet Syd

2010-03-13T00:09:00.003-07:00

Tonight as Syd and I were driving over to the gym to go for a swim, I was asking her what she has been talking to God about lately? Has she been praying about anything specific. "Well, yes", was her answer, "I've been praying for Hannah to come home."
How precious is that?

What if it never happens?

2010-03-06T19:11:00.002-07:00

I have to admit, this is the question floating around in my head as the weeks go by with NO NEWS! No forward movement! Continued silence! Not one shred of evidence that things will resolve soon and I will be making a trip to reunite with my beloved girl!
Today, I felt my prayer changing a bit....I am beginning to pray for a family for Moonbeam in Bishkek. I would so much rather see her in a loving family TODAY, than waiting in the BBH for another year or more for me. As much as it breaks my heart to say it out loud or write it here on my blog, that truly is my prayer! Father, bring her a family! Please don't let her miss out on even one more day of living in a loving family. I feel like her childhood is slipping away and it just isn't fair! I feel such a sense of urgency for her as the days march toward her fourth birthday - when she will likely be moved to the older children's orphanage. I can't bare to think of her having to move to another institution. I want so much for her to experience the love of a mama and a papa. And as much as I want that mama to be me, I also do not want her to wait any longer. So, my prayer is that there is a family in country for her. It seems impossible - she has lived at the orphanage since she was two months old and it hasn't happened, but You are the God of the impossible!
Please, Lord! No more waiting for Moonbeam!

Stalled Kyrygyz Adoptions

2010-02-25T20:55:00.004-07:00

I think I forgot to post a few weeks back about the youtube video that has been posted about our Kyrgyz adoptions!

The amazing Suzanne spearheaded this project and the generous folks over at Barbary Post and the Singing Serpent made it happen! I am so grateful to all of them.

There are many pictures of the BBH where Moonbeam still lives. And pictures of many children who once lived in the BBH and are now living in their forever families!

A Russian version of this video with pictures of waiting families and their matched children - including Moonbeam and me - was given to many Kyrgyz officials by the advocacy team on their trip. Please pray that it makes and impact and that it will create a sense of urgency to act on behalf of the waiting children!

Check it out here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rOzvPHLiujc

Moonbeam Has a Visitor!

2010-02-16T21:56:00.003-07:00

Many of you probably know that JCICS and three waiting families were on the ground in Bishkek over this past week. You can read more at JCICS's blog Be the Answer.

God orchestrated the trip perfectly to allow the families to meet with many officials at a strategic time - the week right before Parliament is scheduled to discuss IA once again. Now we wait with baited breath this week to see how they might act on the info shared last week.

One of the wonderful benefits of this trip was that the team had the opportunity to check in on the waiting children. My dear friend and travel buddy Lisa wrote me this email last week....I really haven't stopped smiling since! And I cannot wait to see the photos!

"I just wanted you to know that I spent a little time with A. today. Oh my, she is sooooo beautiful! She has a head of hair and her smiling eyes are still shiney! I crocheted her a little hat on the way over on the second flight. I put it on and took some pictures. I did not have the chance to make her a photo book, but I did bring a couple of photos. Oh, it was beautiful. I will share more when I am home and rested, but know that she is still a bright little star and all seems well."

A million thanks to Lisa and the rest of the team for taking the time to love all of the waiting kiddos! It means so much to know that they are well! I am encouraged for the first time in months. Even though we still do not have a travel date I am once again hopeful that things will eventually be resolved and Moonbeam and all of her buddies will come home!

Things That Don't Suck

2010-01-23T20:30:00.001-07:00

Inspired by Shannon's recent post, I thought I'd post my own list of things that don't suck!
In no particular order....

1. The amazing support or friends and family! I know I am sick of this whole situation and yet friends are still willing to check in with me and hear about the wait and continue to pray! I am so grateful for that!

2. While I'm waiting I have had the opportunity to foster two sweet little girls - they are 5 and 3 1/2. They have been with me about 2 1/2 weeks and will be with me about one month total. It really has been a wonderful experience.

3. Puppies sleeping on your lap - snuggly and warm.

4. Knowing you are loved unconditionally by Jesus!

5. Strawberry shortcake with homemade whip cream thanks to my dear sister!

6. Listening to Syd, F. and H. laugh and giggle as they find each other playing hide and seek!

7. Getting pictures of the juice, snacks, stuffed animals and clothes delivered to the BBH for the kiddos!

8. Days warm enough to play outside

9. Wii fit - it's fun and I sweat too! :) (although probably not enough, but were talking about things that "don't suck" so...)

10. Folllowing along on "virtual" friends' blogs who are reuniting with their kiddos and having "gotcha" days! (Sadly none of them from Kyrgyzstan yet!)

Dare to Hope

2010-01-02T21:35:00.004-07:00

When you have waited to be a mom since you were a little girl, and waited to complete an international adoption for two and a half years (I started with Guatemala) you begin to lose hope and in an effort to protect your heart you choose not to hope. You begin to choose not to dream about having your little girl at home with you. You start avoiding looking at the pictures of her sweet little face, not because you don't adore her, but because looking at her pictures makes your heart ache so intensely you don't know if you can bear it. You begin to wonder why God would not want to make your dreams come true.?

As 2010 begins, I really sense God saying to me - I want you to "dare to hope"! Even in the midst of the ongoing uncertainty. Even if your heart continues to break - dare to hope! Hope in Me, in my love for you, in my love for Hannah and all of the waiting children. Hope in My commitment to and passion for orphans.

Following along with the Lajoy's adventure of adding two more little girls to their family, reminds me that with God ALL things are possible. (Matthew 19:26)

And so, this year I will dare to hope!

Happy New Year! Welcome 2010!

2010-01-01T22:10:00.004-07:00

Happy New Year! I am so excited to see what 2010 will bring! I am praying for a gotcha trip!

We had a New Year's Eve party last night - mostly to celebrate the end of 2009! We played a really fun game - Telephone Pictionary - you remember the old game of "Telephone" where you whisper a phrase in a friend's ear and they whisper what they heard to the next person and so on - until it makes it all the way to the end of the line and the last person says out loud what they heard - well in "Telephone Pictionary" you draw the phrase that is written on the piece of paper handed to you, you then hand it to the next person who has to write the phrase they believe matches the picture you drew, and then they pass this on and so on! The phrase I wrote was "Fiddler on the Roof", by the time it made it back around to me it became - "Wonder cat emits an alarming sound from his belt"? What in the world? I laughed harder than I've laughed in a LONG time - it is good for the soul! It is good to be with friends and family.

Happy New Year! May 2010 be filled with hope, expectation, and wonderful surprises!

So Long 2009

2009-12-31T18:06:00.002-07:00

I am tempted to say "good riddance" and well, I guess I just did! 2009 was a very tough year - quite the roller coaster filled with lots of disappointments. I am trying to remember the good as well. I know there were some wonderful moments, but in my current state I just can't seem to put my finger on any of those memories - I need to read back through some old blog posts and my journal and dig some up!

My dear friend who also happens to be my pastor, Mike feels that 2010 will be a "banner year". I am hopeful that he has "heard correctly" and this will be the case!

In any case, Happy New Year! May 2010 be a year of reunification and reconciliation!

Merry Christmas Blogging Friends

2009-12-25T11:28:00.004-07:00

I just want to wish all of my blogging friends a very Merry Christmas! Your comments and support through this long journey mean so very much to me! Your support holds me up when I feel like I am sinking in the sadness of this wait.

May the Prince of Peace fill you with the peace that only He can bring during this Season of Advent.

Isaiah 9:6

For a child is born to us. A Son is given to us. And the government will rest on His shoulders. These will be His royal titles:

Wonderful Counselor

Mighty God

Everlasting Father

The Prince of Peace.

Merry Christmas Moonbeam!

2009-12-25T11:12:00.004-07:00

Dear Sweet Moonbeam ~

Merry Christmas sweetie. I am thinking of you today and missing you terribly. I wish you were here to join in on all the fun of Christmas morning. Opening lots of Santa presents and looking through your stocking to see what goodies you might find there. Enjoying the yummy french toast that Uncle Denny made especially for us. I wish you could play with your cousin Aleah. I know Syd wishes she could play with you too.

Mama loves you and is praying for you all the time. And praying for the officials that they will get a move on and let you come home soon!

Advent and I.A.*

2009-12-24T22:49:00.000-07:00

Advent is a season of waiting. A season of joyful anticipation of the birth of our Savior. There were more than 400 years of relative silence between Malachi and Matthew...400 years of waiting for the Messiah promised over and over by the prophets, finally fulfilled by a tiny baby's cry.
Jesus

He was the answer everyone was waiting for.

And no one expected.

A warrior, yes!

A King - definitely!

A statesman - to be sure!

But a baby? Completely unexpected.

And yet, He was and still is, the perfect answer to a world in need of reconciliation, forgiveness, restoration, healing.

I.A. has turned out to be a season of waiting for me. Completely unexpected. As I anticipate the joyful homecoming of Moonbeam. As the wait drags on maintaining a sense of hopefulness is tricky. And yet hope I must. In light of who I know God to be - a God of reconciliation, a God whose heart is for the orphan. A God of mercy and compassion. My hope is in Him. In the one who will provide for Hannah and for me in unexpected ways. I don't want to be so caught up in my frustration that things don't look like I would have liked or expected that I miss His plan. And so I wait - sometimes in joyful expectation, other times in self - pity, but I wait nonetheless. I won't give up Moonbeam - I am still waiting, and hoping and praying that one day we will be reunited!

*I.A. = International Adoption

Blog posts I've thought about, but haven't written yet

2009-12-13T00:09:00.003-07:00

I've been quiet for awhile, but posts have been floating around in my head all month. Just can't seem to get the thoughts out of my head and onto the blog.

Here are some post titles I've been thinking about....

Life is Messy
Advent and IA
There are no Fairy Tales
Living with Loss
Waiting and Weight
Crazy or Committed?

Sounds cheerful huh? Maybe that's why they haven't actually made it to the blogosphere.

Thankful

2009-11-26T19:00:00.003-07:00

Happy Thanksgiving - even though my sweet Moonbeam isn't home yet and that would be the ultimate in happy thanksgivings - I still have so much to be grateful for. Friends, family, a warm house, two furry children that I just adore. People that are praying like crazy for all of the children still living in the orphanages in Kyrgyzstan. New found friends who are also enduring this wait and understand completely what it is like to be powerless to move things along. And of course, what is Thanksgiving without turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes and pumpkin pie. Yum! Overall, it was a very good day.

What's a Bigger Number Than Cajillion????

2009-11-12T18:29:00.003-07:00

I cannot freaking believe it, but yes indeed, I need to get more fingerprints! Unbelievable! To update my homestudy I needed new fingerprints and now to extend my I-600A I need new biometric fingerprints....ummmmmm because? I just had to get new fingerprints for my I-600A because the fingerprints expire in 12 months. However, when you request an extension you must get brand spanking new fingerprints...even if your last fingerprints are less than six months old. GRRRRRRRR!!!!!!
News reports out of Kyrgyz today seem to point to yet another new date...February 15th this time. Again, unbelievable!
I won't give up Moonbeam...I miss you.....I love you! I'm still fighting for you!

Wishing...

2009-11-04T18:55:00.002-07:00

I had something to share, but alas, I do not. Still praying like crazy for sweet Moonbeam's health and well being and for movement in the government. Trying to hold on to hope that one day this will all be a distant memory and she will be home - healthy and happy.

Fingerprinting Times 50 Cajillion!

2009-10-21T15:54:00.002-06:00

OK, maybe not 50 cajillion - but it sure feels that way. And remind me again why USCIS cannot share the biometric prints I've given more than once with the FBI? ARGH!
So frustrating!
Funny story, while I was waiting to be called for my turn to be fingerprinted a man comes in and I hear him tell the lady at the counter that he is there to update his address for his concealed weapons permit (not the funny part :), she gives him a form and he comes over and sits next to me, notices me, makes eye contact and says "Are you here for your permit?"
Uh...NOOOO!
I'm not sure what it might be about me that would say "needs a permit to carry a concealed weapon!" Very strange.
Well, this will all be worth it if Moonbeam gets to come home someday.

This, I Know...

2009-10-17T18:33:00.004-06:00

This baby crying picture is so me right now! Balled up fists, crying my eyes out!

As this wait drags on, I am finding myself frequently in tears as I think about sweet Moonbeam still living in an orphanage, without a family.

I am in tears thinking about her going through another winter there. It's cold!

And to be honest, I am in tears thinking about another holiday season without children of my own to enjoy it with.

I just can't make sense of this at all....and so I cry...often.

Don't get me wrong, I am not hopeless. I still firmly believe that Moonbeam and all of the waiting children will come home. I am just grieving the loss of this time with her. During these formative and crucial years for attachment and development, it breaks my heart that she is not with me. I grieve for both of us. I grieve for all the orphans.

So, in this mess of tears I am finding I have to be really vigilant about my thoughts. The words of Peter speak to me...

1Peter 5:8-11

8Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
10And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 11To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.

When I am alert, this, I know for sure: God is not powerless. He has not forgotten me, Moonbeam or any of the other waiting children. He is not sleeping on the job, He is at work. His plan will prevail! God is mighty to save. He is protecting Moonbeam's heart. His heart breaks with mine for the sweet children.

Joel 2:25 (King James Version)
25And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm, and the caterpiller, and the palmerworm, my great army which I sent among you.

I know I am totally taking this verse out of context, but the words keep coming back to me. I will restore to you the years the the locust hath eaten. I really believe that the Lord will restore these years of living in an orphanage to Hannah and me. This, I know....

From Butterflies to Disappointment

2009-10-09T20:10:00.004-06:00

The wait continues and, in fact, looms larger. Our conference call today was hopeful from the standpoint that there is lots of advocating for the children happening at very high levels. BUT - well from the title you knew there had to be a but - once again there is absolutely no sense that anything will happen anytime soon. In fact, it's pretty clear that the wait is really nowhere close to over! ARGHHHHH!!!

I still feel very hopeful that this will eventually work out - and the officials on the call seemed to communicate that as well.

Even though I was trying to manage my expectations, I think I let myself hope that we might have some indication of a time frame.

Living with uncertainty is exhausting. I'm just ready to bring Moonbeam home. She needs to be with her family.

Butterflies

2009-10-09T08:56:00.004-06:00

Today holds the possibility for good news! The butterflies are flying!
Lord - breakthrough!

Anticipation...

2009-10-03T22:42:00.005-06:00

that pretty much sums it up....anticipation! With the renewal of hope there is also an anticipation of news, not just news, but good news. I wish I was free to share more, but suffice it to say that movement is occurring. Nothing definite, but movement nonetheless.

Over this past week the waiting 65 families have been supporting each other in ways that are hard to describe. One way that I wanted to share with you, was a post started by one of the dear moms called, "Thread for encouraging verses" - what a fabulous idea - by the end of the day there must have been over 50 verses posted - and encouraging is an understatement for sure!

It is inspiring and contagious to be a part of a group of families who are clinging to the Lord during this prolonged wait.

I especially like this post from one of the moms...
Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.
~ Romans 12:12, NLT

And so, in anticipation of our confident hope being fulfilled, I will leave you with this picture of Moonbeam and I strolling the grounds of the BBH. Hopeful that someday soon, you will be seeing pictures - including our faces - of us strolling the grounds of home.

Renewed Hope, but a Breaking Heart, Nonetheless

2009-09-28T22:14:00.002-06:00

It's funny, my hope continues to grow that Moonbeam will come home someday, but my heart is breaking in new pieces, knowing that I still have no concrete idea of when. In fact, I really don't know that we are anywhere near closer to a date than we have been in months. As November looms closer (October starts in two days, after all), I am reminded of just how little news or movement happened in November and December last year - so many holidays and days off.
We need a breakthrough, Lord.

Updating Paperwork

2009-09-19T22:59:00.003-06:00

So, with a heart full of hope, I finally had it in me to write the two paragraph letter to USCIS to request the one time free extension of my I171-H*. Whew - takes a lot out of you. :-)

But seriously, I've just been putting it off because I've felt like nothing was happening so why bother? It's good to have some hope again. I know that we still have no idea when it will happen, but I have to say, I once I again feel like it's not if, it's when will Moonbeam come home?

Hip, Hip, Hooray!

*For those unfamiliar this is the approval one needs for immigration purposes - once we get Moonbeam the heck out of the BBH!

A Friday Full of Hope

2009-09-18T21:40:00.003-06:00

What a difference a couple of weeks make! My last post on 9/4 was a bit on the hopeless side.
Solomon was right when he wrote, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick" (Proverbs 13:12).

While I don't have anything concrete to share in terms of a date to leave for the Gotcha Trip, we have had a flurry of news this week! A letter drafted by members of congress, including Ken Salazar from Colorado - (go Ken!) was sent to the Kyrgyz Embassy in DC and to Kyrgyzstan, requesting a meeting with the Prime Minister when he is in the States next week!

Along with the news of this letter, we also heard that a paper in Bishkek published an article specifically about International Adoption and stating that the Parliament is of the mind to lift the moratorium and process the adoptions of the 65 families while they overhaul the whole adoption process. Rather than making us wait until they finish re-writing the family code - which I applaud the Kyrgyz for doing. We want things to be transparent, ethical, legal and most importantly, in the best interest of the children!

I'm trying to manage my expectations, but I feel a surge of hopefulness. There is more potential for movement than we've had in months!

Fridays

2009-09-04T15:33:00.005-06:00

Fridays should be happy occasions - and the Friday before a three day weekend should be joyful! Right?
I realize that as this wait to bring Moonbeam home continues, I find myself very melancholy on Fridays.
Another week over.
Another week without news.
Another week older.
Another week of milestones missed.
Another week spent living in an orphanage.
Another weekend to wait through, knowing the next possible news will be Monday.

It just makes me so sad.....sigh

Defending the cause

2009-08-24T23:32:00.004-06:00

Sadly, I've no news to share on the adoption front.
I've been spending time looking for Scripture that speaks to God's heart for orphans. Here are some wonderful pictures of this very heart:

In Isaiah 1:17, He commands us to
Learn to do good.
Seek justice.
Help the oppressed.
Defend the cause of orphans.
Fight for the rights of widows.

Proverbs 31:8 tells us to
Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves,
for the rights of all who are destitute.

Who would be more speechless, more powerless, more oppressed, than orphans living in institutions?

On the plane to Maui....

2009-08-23T17:15:00.000-06:00

about 10 minutes in to the movie, my sister leans over and says to me, "why is this movie in Spanish?"
Huh?
I only had to look at her arm rest to discover the why:
Me: "Uh, that's because you're listening to it on the Spanish channel - English is on channel 1"
As Syd would say, "Duh!"
Sorry, sis, this story was just too funny not to tell! :-)

A Week "Off the Grid"

2009-08-21T21:46:00.005-06:00

Much to Lucy's

and Cleo's

dismay, the humans of our family, spent last week here...
enjoying views like this...
and this....
not to be outdone by this...

in fact much of the week, my view looked like this...

and while we shan't speak of how this evening ended, we enjoyed such things as a dinner cruise

and a delicious meal here...

A grand time was had by all! I feel so relaxed and refreshed. It's good to be "off the grid" for a time. I didn't check email, voicemail, my blog or any of the yahoo groups I belong to - it was actually quite a relief! I sure wish my sweet Moonbeam could have joined us! I thought about her every day and I continue to pray without ceasing for her and all of the waiting children. Lord, bring them home!

Hannah's 3rd Birthday Party

2009-08-08T20:41:00.006-06:00

We had a great time celebrating Moonbeam's third birthday - although it was bittersweet without her there. Next year for sure! Sadly, Syd and Kristi had a previous commitment and couldn't join us. Do I have some amazing friends, or what? All willing to celebrate my sweet girl even before she is home. I hope someday she will see these pictures of all the friends that loved her long before they even met her, and feel incredibly special!

The princesses eagerly awaiting the cake!

The queens awaiting the cake :-)

The lovely Kristen (on the far right in the picture above) made this delicious cake - complete with Skittles for decoration. It was divine! Yum!

Ready to blow out the candles.

Waiting for the cutting of the cake.

The girls generously opened Hannah's presents :-)

Having fun.

Being silly.

The rest of the crew.

We love you Hannah!

One Year Ago Today, Part Two

2009-08-03T08:51:00.007-06:00

One year ago today, I was boarding a plane for London and then transferring to a flight for Bishkek, to meet Moonbeam for the first time! I boarded that plane feeling nervous, excited and a bit overwhelmed. I remember thinking, what does one wear to meet their daughter? (this became a non-issue when my luggage was delayed for four days :-) What an amazing trip! I had such a wonderful time and over the course of that week of visits I bonded with Hannah in a way I never expected. She became my daughter that week. And no matter how long it takes....I will wait to bring her home forever!
Part One here.

Happy 3rd Birthday Moonbeam!

2009-07-30T08:50:00.003-06:00

Dearest Moonbeam,

I cannot believe you are three today! Happy birthday sweetie! Even though you are so far away, I think of you everyday! I am praying for you constantly. I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again and whisper how much I love you!

I am thinking of your birth mom today and praying for her as well. I am so grateful to her for giving you life. I know she must ache to be far away from you as I do.

I am praying that you have lots of smiles, hugs and happiness to celebrate this day!

You are precious to me and more importantly to God who takes great delight in you!

We are having a party for you tonight! We will have birthday cake made by Auntie Kristen, and ice cream and decorations from Auntie Lesa. You are so very loved! I cannot wait until you are home forever.

Love,
Mama

Thank you for your ideas

2009-07-29T20:36:00.003-06:00

Thank you so much to those of you who left comments and sent me emails. I really appreciate all of your ideas! I will definitely be throwing a party for Hannah tomorrow evening as a part of our Bible Study gathering!
My dear friend Beulah is baking a cake. Lesa is getting decorations and ice cream. I'll be bringing a few little gifts. Now, if I can just get through the evening without spending the whole thing crying! It's a celebration of Moonbeam's life, after all!

How to Celebrate?

2009-07-24T16:11:00.003-06:00

Well, Hannah's 3rd birthday is less than a week away. Sadly, she is far too many miles away, still living in an orphanage.
So, I'm wondering, how to celebrate? Luckily the evening of her birthday I will be at a Bible Study with a group of dear friends - so I'm half tempted to plan a bit of a party? Any ideas out there? Any families who have had to celebrate a birthday without their child being physically present?
Please leave a comment - I am feeling really blue and could use some input....

A Call to Pray, Part 3

2009-07-22T19:03:00.002-06:00

On July 23rd (which is during the night tonight, for us) Kyrgyzstan will hold presidential elections.
Please be praying that the election will go smoothly, that there will be peace while the people vote, and that the election would be uncontested.

Please pray that in the days following the elections any other remaining "obstacles" to completing adoptions are removed - swiftly!

Please pray that God would move on the hearts of those who stand in the way of completing the adoptions. Pray that He would break their hearts for the children and compel them to act - again I say, swiftly!

Quotable Quotes

2009-07-19T19:56:00.007-06:00

I absolutely love this quote from Richard Baxter. He was a 17th century English theologian.

“In necessary things - Unity;
in doubtful things - Liberty;
in all things - Charity.”

I would like my life to reflect this.

All Quiet on the Adoption Front

2009-07-16T21:21:00.005-06:00

As we count down the days to the Kyrgyz presidential election, news on the adoptions has become even quieter (if that's possible - what could be quieter than deafening silence?). We aren't likely to hear much until September at the earliest, as many Kyrgyz government offices vacation in August.
Hang on, Moonbeam and friends, you are not forgotten, you are loved and being prayed for daily by so many.

4 Days Without Luggage

2009-07-12T20:10:00.008-06:00

Have you been wondering why I'm wearing the same thing in every picture posted from my visit trip to Kyrgz? Sadly, I've been feeling a bit self-conscious because I haven't really explained why. The story is that both my and Elisabeth's suitcases were delayed. I mean really delayed! We arrived very early Monday am into Bishkek and our luggage finally caught up with us late on Thursday night.

Have I mentioned what the weather is like in Bishkek in August? Well let me just say scorching hot! And not an air conditioner to be found - except for the one in our driver's car. And with five people packed into a Jetta - well - you can imagine!

You know, when you're without the comforts of home and you're visiting your daughter in an orphanage - you begin to realize what is really important. And clean clothes and air conditioning just aren't at the top of the list.

Each day when we arrived at the orphanage I wondered how much clothing Moonbeam would be wearing? On some visits she had nothing more than panties on. Which I don't think she minded too much since it was brutally hot, but still, it just really emphasized for me just how much stuff I own. It was a really humbling experience. And a very good life lesson to be learned - again and again.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying we should all sell everything and live in poverty. However, I find that I am focused on living from a more grateful space and I continually try to be generous with what I have.

Back to the story, when Elisabeth and I arrived in London on Saturday, for our vacation time there, it was so exciting to need a sweater (London seems to be cool, wet and rainy all year long) and to find our luggage made it with us this time! Not sure I've been happier to greet a suitcase!

Do we look a little giddy? :-)

Memories...

2009-07-09T21:23:00.007-06:00

Lately I've been wishing I could post some adorable pictures of Moonbeam here on my blog! But, alas, until she has her feet firmly on US soil I cannot. So, I was thinking - why couldn't I post some pictures of my visit trip last year that show you all (well, at least those of you that aren't also adopting from Kyrgyzstan - you will already know this) what an amazing country Moonbeam is from!

A beautiful ballet/opera house:

A park in the city....I never did figure out why they paint all of the bases of the tree trunks white? Anyone?

Our driver took us up into the mountains one evening - it was a gorgeous drive. We followed this river through the mountains.

A summer Yurt along the river. There were some amazing horses grazing alongside. Syd adores horses so I had to get a few pictures of them.

We drove all the way to this little restaurant called 12 Chimneys. They have these outdoor tables - each with a little fireplace - and thus, 12 Chimneys.

Great memories....I cannot wait to make new ones with Moonbeam!

Faithfulness, Part Two

2009-07-05T19:09:00.003-06:00

Sometimes God reminds us of His faithfulness through the stories of others. Today was one of those days for me.

I had the opportunity to go to Cherry Creek Presbyterian Church this am. I went to hear my friend Tami speak about her adoption journey in Kyrgyzstan. Cherry Creek Pres is hosting Tami's "Red Card" program. It's an eight week Sunday School program designed to teach families about advocating for Children at Risk around the world. Find out more about this amazing program here.

Anyhow, I digress, Tami shared about God's faithfulness to her both during the adoption journey and since. It was so encouraging to hear the many ways that God answered prayer for her daughter and others. As I listened, with tears in my eyes, I felt a surge of hope! As if God was reminding me, I haven't forgotten, I am at work, I do have a plan.

After she shared her story, Tami passed out pictures and prayer requests from six of the waiting families (including me). She asked each of the tables to pray over the child and the requests from the waiting family. She also asked them to write notes of encouragement to the family. It was such a blessing to know that over 100 people were praying for the waiting 65 families. I stuck around at the end and helped Tami collect the cards from the tables - I was so excited to see how many cards there were! At least 5 per family and some even more than that (some of the tables were fuller than others)! It will be so fun to get these in the mail and will be yet another reminder of how God is touching lives through this wait.

At the very end of the time, as people were leaving, this little old man came up to me, with tears in his eyes, to tell me he was praying for me and for my daughter. He gave me a hug and had to turn away - he told me "you know, I just don't cry". OK, now I'm crying.

God is so faithful! I love the 3rd chapter of the book of Lamentations. It lists all the reasons for hopelessness, and there are many of them in this case, but then a turning point in verse 21 and following:

Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:
Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."
The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him;
it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.

Yes, great is Your faithfulness, dear Lord!
Read the whole chapter here.

Happy 4th of July!

2009-07-04T21:46:00.003-06:00

I love fireworks, but generally hate the crowds associated with a fireworks display. I'm just not all that interested in joining the masses to wait around for a few hours to enjoy 15-30 minutes of beauty! Tonight we had friends over for a BBQ. When they all left to find fireworks to watch, I tuned in to PBS to watch A Capitol Fourth. :-) Am I getting old or what?

I was reminiscing today about 4th of July's gone by and remembered one of my favorite years - 1989 - I was in Greece - on the beach in Ios - a smaller Greek Isle. I had the wonderful opportunity to travel throughout Greece and Cyprus for 5 weeks that summer with a bunch of college friends. Ahhhhh :-)

Hope everyone has a wonderful time celebrating the freedom we enjoy as citizens of this grand country. In spite of her many faults, I still count myself incredibly privileged to live here in the good ole' US of A!

Fireworks image found here.

Home Study Update

2009-07-03T22:31:00.004-06:00

Today was my home study update visit. It was rather bittersweet for me. I cannot believe that I have to go through all of this paperwork and visits etc yet again and sweet Moonbeam still isn't home. (Insert big, heavy sigh here) I've been feeling rather blue lately. OK - I just re-read what I wrote and I'm thinking "wah, wah! Get over yourself, many families have gone before you and have had to update many times! And someday, this will all be worth it!"

On the sweet side, while here, my social worker and I discussed the domestic waiting child program and how the process will unfold. That is exciting and something to look forward to. She even said that it is possible I may have a child at home by the Fall! Wow! To borrow a line from Pamela, I may be having the longest and the shortest pregnancies simultaneously! ACK!

Funny story, Syd told the social worker that she cannot wait for Hannah 1 and Hannah 2 to come home. :-) Even though I have told her they will not both be named Hannah, she tells me, "well, we don't know what the 2nd little girl's name will be so I'm just going to call her Hannah 2 for now." Ahhh, laughter, it's good for the soul.

So Long June

2009-06-30T22:35:00.002-06:00

I cannot believe June is over. Another July is here and it's Moonbeam's birthday month! In fact, a month from today she will be three years old.
It's so hard to know that she will spend her 3rd birthday in the orphanage. I never dreamed that a year later I would still be waiting to bring her home. But I do feel hopeful that this will be her very last birthday spent in the orphanage!
So, so long June! May July be a month with lots of good news!

Fabulous Friday

2009-06-28T19:07:00.009-06:00

I was in Washington DC for business over the past few days. OK - that's not the fabulous part, it's coming - be patient.

One of the things I have been noticing lately is how there are many blessings associated with this dismal wait! I've always loved how God can take something that seemed incredibly horrendous and turn it into the most amazing blessing one could imagine! (Think Joseph and the way his brothers sold him into slavery - that had a wonderfully happy ending. Or, on a lighter note, turning lemons into lemonade.)

What the enemy means for our destruction God can redeem and use for good purposes! (my paraphrase of Gen. 50:20)

All that said, here's the FABULOUS part. I had the opportunity to meet another amazing PAP and, until now, virtual friend - Pamela. She is adopting the lovely miss Tulla Belle from the BBH where Hannah also resides. I have thoroughly enjoyed getting to know Pamela online and on the phone so it was just wonderful to meet in person. She is an amazing woman, with a heart for God and to top it off she is passionate about the welfare of children.

And, if all this weren't enough, Pamela invited Tom and Rebecca from Joint Council on International Children's Services to join us. JCICS is working tirelessly to cut through the red tape and help the waiting families bring our children home! Tom and Rebecca are both passionate about children's issues and are committed to connecting them with loving families. I got to know each of them better over drinks and dinner. We had such a great time. We laughed and talked and sippped a few drinks. Before we knew it over three hours had passed. Not only are Tom and Rebecca amazing advocates for children, they are a ton of fun! It truly was a Fabulous Friday! One I wouldn't have missed for anything!

Faithfulness, Part One

2009-06-20T21:58:00.001-06:00

Note: I started this post earlier this month and am just now getting back to posting it....it's such a poignant reminder of what a roller coaster this adoption journey is. I am not deflated today at all, but who knows what this week will bring....sigh.

As I sit here feeling completely deflated, I am filled with the sense that I need to remember His faithfulness to me. One of the things I love about reading the Old Testament are the many places where the Israelites take time to remember, aloud, the many ways that God has been faithful to them. There are literally dozens of passages where the people recount all that God has done for them.

I feel like I need to do that - I need to recount the many ways that I have seen God's faithfulness to me on this adoption journey and I know there are many! I need to remember and choose not to lose hope!

I remember...during my wait for a referral I prayed that You would not send me to Kyrgyz on my visit trip by myself. There was a VERY small window of time that my dear friend Elisabeth would be able to accompany me. And You worked that out down to the very day! Thank You Lord!

I remember....how nervous I was about meeting the other family that would be sharing this experience with me. I was concerned how the details would work themselves out - sharing a driver, translator, 5 people in a Jetta in over one hundred degree weather! Thank You Lord for Jeff and Lisa - what a blessing it was to get to know them! How privileged I feel to have shared my visit trip with them. They will definitely be friends for life! :-)

Lord, You are faithful!

One Year Ago Today

2009-06-18T23:00:00.002-06:00

One year ago today I said yes, I will be your mama Moonbeam. I will never stop feeling like your mama! I pray for you everyday. I miss and love you!

I Think He likes Me Better

2009-06-18T21:10:00.002-06:00

I just came back from a very brief business trip to Orlando. I left yesterday at 3pm and I'm already home. Here's an excerpt from my conversation with Syd when I got home tonight...

Syd....Did you go to Disney World?
Me.....No
Syd....Awww. Was it a business trip?
Me.....Yeah
Syd.....Awwww. I was hoping you'd get me a present from Disney.
Me.......Oh, well, I didn't make it to Disney
Syd......Well, I'm going to buy my own present when we go on vacation.
Me.......Says who?
Syd......Says me. With money from Papa
Me.......(cracking up) You are one lucky little girl. You know Papa never gave me money when I was a little girl
Syd.......Well, I think he likes me better!

And you know what, I think she's right :-)

Snoopy Dance

2009-06-16T22:03:00.002-06:00

Just in case you weren't too sure what Snoopy dance I might have been referring to in my last post....

Image found here

A Call to Pray, Part 2

2009-06-15T19:29:00.005-06:00

I don't feel at liberty to share the details, but God is on the move! I truly believe that we are seeing some positive signs that progress is being made to bring the kiddos home. I still have no idea of the when or the how soon, but I feel confident that we are "trending positive", and that is something to celebrate!

I think I'll be doing my happy dance tonight - picture Snoopy!

Thank You, Lord for Your presence and peace! Thank You for Your unending mercy and patience with me as I have, of late, tended to assume the worst and not the best. Thank You that You have not forgotten these orphans and that You are on the move to place them in families!

A Bit of an Anniversary

2009-06-13T22:28:00.003-06:00

I realized that this time last year I was in the midst of considering the referral of my sweet little Moonbeam. I received her picture and information for the first time on June 11, 2008! I remember staring at the picture, wondering are you my daughter? Oh, how I wish I could post that sweet little picture here, but not until you are home forever! I went back and looked at my journal from those days and it was so fun to remember the things that God did to confirm in my heart that yes indeed you were/are my sweet little Hannah!

I looked at the notes I took from my conversation with Dr. Ochs - a Pediatrician who is also an adoption specialist. I emailed him Moonbeam's medical information and her picture. The first thing he said to me on the phone was, "the picture says it all, I think you have to go and pick her up". He told me that "you just can't fake a smile like that, she must be being well cared for".

It's hard to believe that an entire year has passed and she is still living in an orphanage. I don't understand this at all, but I will wait. And perhaps the three Kyrgyz women who have begun to champion our cause will have great success in their upcoming meetings with parliament! I know they have many people praying for this to be true!

Crazy Eights...tagged

2009-05-30T21:12:00.000-06:00

We interrupt the waiting for a game of ....

It's true; I've been tagged by the dear Maria in a game of Crazy Eights.

8 Things I'm looking forward to...
1. Bringing home Hannah

2. Meeting Jesus face to face
3. Asking Him lots of questions - like what's up with this wait? (in a most respectful way!)

4. Maternity Leave which leads me to my next dream...

5. No more travel for work :-)

6. Leading worship in Breckenridge this Fall with my band peeps.

7. Watching Syd and Hannah get to know each other

8. Watching Hannah get to know Lucy and Cleo - now that should be a hoot!

8 Things I did Yesterday
1. Presented all day long at a user group meeting for my sales job

2. Watched the Nuggets lose - it was a great series though.

3. Updated my blog with great news of answered prayer!
4. Got the scoop from Ann about the day in DC by phone :-)
5. Enjoyed a Drumstick (of the ice cream variety)

6. Got up way too early, in my opinion! (6am)
7. Caught up with an old friend, Marcy (she was at the user group meeting). She was one of the first to convince me that, of course, I could figure out how to pay for an international adoption! She's a single AP of two adorable girls from Guatemala.

8. Went to bed way too late (Midnight)

8 Things I wish I could do

1. Be a stay at home Mom
2. Bring my mom back.

3. Adopt at least one more child internationally

4. Speak Spanish Fluently

5. Learn Russian

6. Spend a month in Europe - especially Italy

7. Keep Cleo and Lucy alive forever!

8. Sing in a Broadway Musical

8 Shows I watch (sadly, I probably can fill this list!)

1. Lost

2. The Closer

3. Ugly Betty

4. Barefoot Contessa (LOVE her!)

5. Will & Grace

6. Giada at Home

7. Anything with Ice Skating

8. Battlestar Galactica (I'm a scifi geek!)

8 Fellow Bloggers tagged:

1. Ann at My Adoption Geography

2. Lisa at Ladybug Baby

3. Shannon at Bringing Home Our Angel

4. Pamela at Pamela's Adoption Journey

5. Jes at An Incredible Journey Home

6. Laura at TomAndLaura's Journey

7. Jackie at Me Plus One

8. Suzanne at Steeper Than Expected

God Is On the Move!

2009-05-29T20:57:00.002-06:00

I'm too exhausted to write much, but I must share that God is moving hearts. One of my prayers requests was that God would break the hearts of the officials for the children! This morning at about 11am MDT I received a text from dear Ann that simply stated "not a dry eye in the room".

Keep praying people! :-)

A Call to Pray!

2009-05-27T22:35:00.003-06:00

This evening I sat down to compose an email prayer request to friends and family. I decided to send that same prayer request out to the blogosphere! Oh, and a big shout out to JCICS and the US DoS - Office of Children's Issues for all their hard work in making this meeting a reality! I appreciate them so very much!

Dear Friends and Family –

I know I've been sending lots of email requests and I truly don’t want to overload you - so feel free to delete this if you’re getting tired of hearing about all of the adoption drama – I know I’m sick to death of the whole mess! But I won’t stop praying and I cannot stop trying advocate in whatever way I can to bring my girl home! She needs to be here, in a family, out of the orphanage! And so do the 64 other waiting children! Hannah turns 3 on July 30th – a third birthday in an orphanage - it just about breaks my heart!

I’m writing to ask you to be praying this Friday. Five waiting families and one family who completed their adoption will be meeting with Kyrgyz officials in Washington DC. These officials were invited by the US Dept of State as a part of their International Visitor’s Program. One small part of their time in DC will be this 90 minute meeting with these families and adoption officials.
Please be praying that
· God will break their hearts for the children.
· The truth about why Americans adopt will be made crystal CLEAR to each of these officials – there is such a negative impression about why we adopt (some believe we adopt for body parts) The Kyrgyz seem to have no cultural frame of reference for International Adoption or domestic adoption for that matter. I think this leads to some fear about why people would adopt.
· Pray for Ann, Lisa, Pamela, Suzanne, Shannon and Cyndi that they will be able to communicate clearly with the officials all that is on their heart – this is such an emotional time for all of us that I know it won’t be easy for them.
· Pray for Cyndi’s son Kenny who was adopted from Kyrgyzstan and is now 11 years old – he wants to address the officials and tell them how wonderful it is to be adopted and what life has been like since leaving the orphanage a few years ago. A quote from Cyndi’s blog “Kenny and I are both pretty scared. Kenny said "I want to help those babies come home, Mommy...but what if I say the wrong thing?". I reassured him there was nothing he could say that would be wrong, that he simply needed to share his story.” If you’d like to read more about this family check out their blog: http://lajoyfamily.blogspot.com/
· Pray that these officials will leave this meeting with changed hearts and minds about allowing their children to be adopted by foreigners.
· Pray that the officials will return to Kyrgyzstan and be bold in sharing what they heard and learned and most especially their changed beliefs about international adoption!
I could go on and on – so pray as the Holy Spirit leads!
Thank you so much for all the ways you are each supporting me on this roller coaster journey! It’s not a journey I would have picked, but I will tell you this, my relationship with Jesus is deeper than it’s ever been and that’s something I wouldn't trade for anything!
Love to each of you!
Kimberly

Go Nuggets!

2009-05-25T23:02:00.005-06:00

I just love me some Basketball - it's really the only sport I enjoy watching. And I need a break from the "WAIT"!

It's hard not to catch the Nuggets Fever here in Denver! And, even though I grew up in LA cheering for the Lakers, ya just gotta love the underdog! There's no way anyone would have believed the Nuggets would have made it this far! I'm just sayin'

So here's a shout out to the local heroes of the hour! Go Nuggets! Woot!

Image found here.

A Big Decision

2009-05-23T12:16:00.002-06:00

About a week ago I made the decision to pursue a concurrent adoption. I am in no way giving up on bringing Hannah home - I will wait as LONG as it takes! I believe that God has called me to be her mama. I also have always wanted to have two children and the longer this wait becomes the more I feel I should begin the process of daughter number two. It's been a really hard process. I have been thinking and praying about this for months. I haven 't acted until now, because I didn't feel I had clear direction and couldn't get any peace about it. The peace finally settled on me about a week ago and I decided to "go until I get a NO!" (gotta love that Erwin McManus - see a great video about this topic here.) Everything feels so out of control and part of me is just so ANGRY that this path has become so rocky! Even angry at God - thankfully, He is big enough to handle it and I believe, wants me to be honest about my feelings - don't believe me? Just read some of the Psalms of David - there's a man after God's own heart who also failed miserably (remember Bathsheba?) and vented his anger at God a time or two.
Anywho, I digress, I met with my agency, collected all of the necessary paperwork and left feeling pretty excited about going forward with adopting a waiting child from the foster care system. These feelings of excitement quickly faded as I began filling out the paperwork....ugh! This is round three of the arduous task of applying to adopt! (Guatemala - closed, Kyrgyzstan - on seemingly interminable delay and now domestic) Seriously, I must be a lunatic! Nobody signs up for this much punishment! Sigh....
But, I will move forward - feelings change all of the time and I don't feel lack of excitement about the paperwork is the "No" that would lead me to stop. And overall I am still excited about the other side of the paperwork...a sister for Hannah!

A Very Long Week

2009-05-22T21:57:00.007-06:00

Never a dull moment in the world of International Adoption - a conference call with my agency on Tuesday this week left me completely shaken and totally discouraged. Somehow I had to pull myself together enough to see clients and finish the work week. By last night I was exhausted and on the verge of tears. Somehow I made it through a church meeting and then my dear friend Lesa sat down next to me to ask how I was doing - well the dam burst and the tears started flowing - she led me down the hall to her youngest daughter's room where she barricaded the door with the toy box, propped me up on some pillows on the twin bed and let me ball my eyes out, blow my nose into the piglet towel (no tissues and there would be no getting back into the room sans children if she left to retrieve some), and then prayed for me. About 40 minutes later we emerged and I fumbled my way home and into bed.
We had lunch plans today and when I picked her up, Lesa asked if I was available for the rest of the afternoon - well? why not? Surely work can wait! So we had lunch, went to see a great flick - Angels & Demons - have you read the book? Loved it! After the movie we went to Sprouts and bought some yummy fruit and produce. When we got back to her place she invited me in to sit in the hot tub. She made me a pomegranate vodka concoction (YUM!), a fabulous dinner and we hung out with the kids, played some cards (Canasta! I know, I'm an old lady at heart!) and forgot all about all the things that really stink in my world right now!
Thank you Lesa! I feel so loved and you are such a blessing! Special thanks also go out to my equally dear friend, and Lesa's husband Mike for getting the kiddos to bed last night and then watching the kids all afternoon today so that Lesa could love on me!

Queen.....Of This Post

2009-05-14T20:03:00.005-06:00

The marvelous Queen Shannon has given me the great honor of being Queen of All Things Awe...summm! And since I am dying for a distraction from the depressing adoption news of late, I've decided to take on the challenge of this post.

I am to list 7 awe-summm things about myself! It's funny I work with my clients on making lists like this all the time, but this is gonna be hard. Perhaps the best reason for doing this! If I'm gonna make my clients do this, surely, I should be able to!

1. I am loyal to the core! Friends, family, co-workers - I always try to assume the best about people.

2. I am a darn good public speaker. Whether it's teaching class, leading a Bible study, leading worship, presenting the software I sell, or my favorite, sharing at church (notice I didn't say preaching - that's too scary a word!) - I think I do an fantabulous job.

3. I am an excellent listener - I guess it goes along with the being a therapist thing!

4. I am an encourager. I love giving people positive feedback and noticing the good in others.

5. In most areas of my life, I am determined! I don't give up, hence the two year wait, thus far, to bring home my girl!

6. I am great with kids - I hope this translates to great mom! We shall see...

7. I strive to focus on the positive - I'm not always successful, but it is always a goal I am pursuing! I have so much to be grateful for!

Speaking of things I'm grateful for...I am to tag 7 fellow bloggers as Queen! And I am so grateful for each of them:

Beulah, Ann, Lisa, Laura, Pamela

Happy Mother's Day

2009-05-10T12:39:00.004-06:00

It would be so easy to spend the day thinking of the sadness that is in my heart without sweet Moonbeam home, and believe me I've already had a good cry, BUT instead I would like to focus on the many women who have had an impact on my life.
My beautiful mom who was such an amazing woman. She was selfless, patient, kind, strong and a whole bunch of fun! I miss her and pray that I can be half the mom to Moonbeam that she was to me.
My sister, Kristi, is an amazing mom - she is patient and kind with Syd. Being a single mom is a ton of work, but Kristi handles it with grace and an incredible amount of strength!
My mom's twin sister, Auntie Jan. I have so many wonderful memories of time spent with her and I can't wait for her to meet sweet Hannah - I know she will be the grandma that Mom won't get to be. I always feel so loved and accepted by her! She is full of life and fun and lots of ways to make you feel special!
Oh, the list could go on and on - I have been blessed by so many women. And I feel grateful for their presence and influence on my life. I am hopeful that I will be able to follow in their footsteps as a mom!
Happy Mother's Day to all the Moms out there! May you enjoy your families and feel loved and appreciated!

Two Years Later....

2009-05-05T21:55:00.006-06:00

Two years ago today I made the decision to pursue adoption. I cannot believe that two years have gone by! I also cannot believe that my sweet Hannah is not home! ARGHH! I can't help but wonder, would I have signed up for this if I'd known it would take more than two years? Yes, I believe my answer is a resounding yes!

It's been quite the journey. I know it will be worth every moment of waiting. I believe with all of my heart that she will come home.

A good friend gave me an article once that was titled "Don't Waste Your Cancer" - bottom line the message was that no matter what the trial, there can be infinite value in living through whatever the "cancer". I'm truly trying not to "waste this wait". I'm listening Lord - whatever you need to say to me I want to hear, whatever you need to teach me Lord, I'm open to learn, however you'd like to use me Lord, I'm willing. But Lord if I could hear, learn and be used quickly so Hannah could come home that would be
GREAT! :-) Note: Just to clarify, I am not in any way saying that I believe that God is causing Hannah to wait and live longer in an orphanage because He has things to say, teach or do with me. I don't believe that for a minute. However, I do believe that if I let Him, He has much to say, teach and do in and through me while I wait. Make sense?

Not my will, but Yours Lord.

He Knows My Tangled Ways

2009-05-02T19:34:00.006-06:00

My dear friend and fellow Adoptive Mom, Loretta, recently gave me a devotional book - Streams in the Desert by L.B. Cowman - find it here. I have really been enjoying the entries. I discovered this poem and it brings me great comfort to know that He knows my tangled ways! What a tangled mess they are lately!

Be quiet! Why this anxious heed
About your tangled ways?
God knows them all.
He gives you speed
And He allows delays.
It's good for you to walk by faith
And not by sight.
Take it on trust a little while.
Soon will you read the mystery aright
In the full sunshine of His smile.
(L.B. Cowman. Streams in the Desert. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing House. 1997. p. 162.)

What a good reminder of His sovereignty! And while I have no idea why He would allow these delays, there is comfort in knowing He is still in control!

Happy May Day!

2009-05-01T20:50:00.004-06:00

In honor of the first day of one of my favorite months, I thought I'd post some photos taken by the delightful Miss Syd! This photo shoot occurred on a very snowy day a couple of weeks ago and she had such a blast taking all of these. I know she'll be thrilled to see them on my blog :-)

Yeah, Lucy's not a very big fan of the snow. Considering her belly is only about 2 inches off the ground and there's more than 6 inches of snow on our deck who can blame her?

The marvelous Cleo.

Lucy is happiest on some one's lap!

OK, so they're both happiest on my lap.

The only trouble is where will there be room for my two furry girls when Hannah gets home?

Now, there's a problem I'd like to have a need to solve!

Life in the midst of waiting...

2009-04-26T16:16:00.004-06:00

I stumbled across this quote from Barbara Brown Taylor while reading on Joyce Rupp's site and it really resonates with me!
I want a God who will cut my losses and cushion my failures, a God who will grant me a life free from pain. I want a God who will rescue me from death, who will delete it from the human experience and find another way to operate. What I, what all of us, have instead is a God who resurrects us from the dead, putting an end to it by working through it instead of around it – creating life in the midst of grief, creating love in the midst of despair – resurrecting us from our big and little deaths, showing us by Jesus’ example that the only road to Easter morning runs smack through Good Friday.
Lord, open my heart, my eyes, my mind to all the ways that You are bringing life even in the midst of what often feels like death.

Pictures from Philly

2009-04-19T19:41:00.002-06:00

Indenpendence Hall at the end of the Street - too cool!
Our self portrait :-)

World travellers! Kimberly & Ann

Many thanks to Ann for knowing how to get pictures off her phone into an email attachment!

Waiting 10 months today...

2009-04-18T20:16:00.003-06:00

Earlier today I was reading my friend Alan's blog. The title of his post today is "Trusting in the Dark: A Few Insights" - read the whole post here. It was a really challenging to me and in fact partly inspired my post below.
Here are some things I took away from it: Abraham waited 25 years for God to fulfill His promise that he would be the father of many nations. Not only did he wait that 25 years, but he was old when the promise was made (well over 100 by the time it was fulfilled!), as was Sarah, there was no earthly reason for them to believe that they could have a son together - no reason other than their faith in a God who keeps His promises!
After spending some time reflecting on Alan's comments and then meditating on the passage he mentions in Romans 4, I felt led to write the post below. As I posted it, I noticed on my Lilypie ticker that I have been waiting 10 months today to bring Hannah home. Ten months and I am a mess - I feel grouchy OK, in all honesty really angry at God for making me wait -for making Hannah wait - contrast this with the 25 years Abraham waited.....ouch! What in the world is my problem? Not that I don't believe God's heart aches to get Hannah out of the orphanage - I know it does, not that I think I have to put on a happy face and pretend it doesn't hurt like hell - I know He doesn't expect that, but I also believe that He is asking me to wait and He is wanting to build my faith and like I said below - I think He knows I can handle the wait and will NOT give up. (Insert deep breath and long exhale here...)
Father, I know You are good and I can trust You. I know Your ways are not my ways, and Your plan is better than anything I could ever dream up. Build my faith, increase my trust, help me to focus on You. Protect all of the Kyrgyz children who are without families. Please be their Abba - their daddy. Fill their hearts with Your love. Move on the hearts of the Kyrgyz government - give them a burden for their children and motivate them to move quickly for the good of their children! Amen.

Hope against all hope....

2009-04-18T13:04:00.002-06:00

As I sit hear watching the snow come down outside my window, I am attempting to process all that is in my heart. I've spent the last few days realizing how my love for Moonbeam just grows and grows - even though I haven't seen her since August. How is that possible?
I miss her with an ache that cannot be described in words. I am trying to remember all the doors that God has opened for me over the last year - the changes He made in my heart - the timing of her referral - the MANY doors opened related to my trip last August - including the timing and how Elisabeth was able to travel with me (one of my biggest prayers back then was Lord, don't make me go alone!) Just because the door feels like it has slammed shut and is bolted beyond belief I cannot ignore that fact that You led me to Moonbeam and that cannot be a mistake or for nothing!
I was listening to Beth Moore this am (love her!) and she said that sometimes God trusts us more than we trust ourselves. What? As she went on to explain this it really made sense - she said that as we go through difficult times in our lives He knows we can handle things that we would never believe we could! He knows that we can press on when we think NO WAY! This made me wonder if part of the reason He chose me (really all of the 65 waiting families) was because He knew we would wait - He knew that even though there would be this HORRENDOUS delay that we would fight, we would wait, we would never give up on our children. Just like He will never give up on us or our children! Maybe He needed to pick families for these children that would do just that. I'm not sure this makes any sense, but I know that His heart is for each and every one of these orphans and His desire is for them to be at home with us. In loving families that will cherish them the way He does! And someday these 65 waiting children will know how incredibly precious they are, how their families waited and hoped when hope seemed like the most ridiculous thing to do!

We Meet, (in person that is) at Last!

2009-04-17T23:02:00.004-06:00

On Wednesday I flew to Philadelphia for a business meeting. My friend Ann over at Adoption Geography graciously picked me up at the airport. While we had never met in person, when I threw my luggage in the back seat and hopped in her car it felt like two old friends meeting for dinner and a time to catch up.

The Internet is an amazing thing! Ann and I "met" last June, shortly after I accepted Hannah's referral. We started emailing after our adoption agency connected us so I could take some of Ann's documents with me to Kyrg in August and we haven't stopped communicating since. At a minimum we have this tradition of the Sunday night email - checking in on each other's weeks and how we are each surviving the wait. Funny, it always seems that when one of us is feeling particularly discouraged the other seems particularly hopeful.

Ann's friend recommended El Vez a Mexican restaurant not far from Independence Hall - it was awesome. We had some margaritas, some dinner and chatted about life, our girls, and future plans.

There is something very comforting about a friend who knows your pain firsthand. Ann is just that friend!

One of the silver linings of this not so shiny waiting period is the many virtual friends I have made. I feel so blessed to have connected with a group of people who advocate so tirelessly for the benefit of the Kyrgyz orphans.

Good Friday

2009-04-10T21:46:00.003-06:00

Good Friday - incredibly good for us - an oxymoron for Jesus - although I don't believe He saw it that way. It never ceases to amaze me.

This year I let Easter sneak up on me and I regret it. Caught up in the pain of waiting I have to admit I haven't prepared my heart the way I would like.

I really prefer to observe Lent and prepare my heart for the wonder of Easter - Resurrection Sunday - Reconciliation Sunday might be an even better word for it.

Good Friday and Easter are all about reconciliation! The hope of reconciling with God through His amazing sacrifice on Good Friday.

Interesting, the pain I've experienced over these last eight months is all about hoping to reconcile with my sweet Hannah.

But for now, I will embrace the reconciliation offered to me by a risen Savior! Who patiently accepts me for the mess that I am - mercifully forgives me for being too wrapped up in my own pain to remember His.

He is risen!

(here's your part you say: He is risen indeed!)

Bay Bridge and Seafood at Sunset. Oh My!

2009-04-07T22:29:00.004-06:00

Spent the weekend in San Francisco...for work! Yuck! (the working part, not the SF part - I love that town!)
Anyhow, I did have the luxury of Friday evening with my dear friend from college, Linda. She graciously picked me up at the airport. Now that's true friendship - to pick me up during Friday evening traffic in the Bay Area. You're a gem Linda!

In search of seafood, (I just don't get enough of that living in a land locked state) Linda took me to the Ferry Building down on the water along the Embarcadero. It was a beautiful evening and we sat outside, in full view of the Bay Bridge, enjoying our "Crab Tower" entree - it was amazing! We had great fun chatting and catching up on all that's going on in our lives.

Friday evening was over far too quickly and the reality of a working weekend set in. (Insert heavy sigh here) All for a good cause - for Hannah's college fund one day, right?

Brothers...

2009-03-26T21:51:00.004-06:00

Before the winter storm really got going this am I had coffee with my friends Ted and Richard. I don't have any brothers, but if I did I would hope they would be just like these two! These guys love the Lord, they are amazing Dads, they adore their wives and they are two of my favorite people!

Tonight I sent out a prayer request via email to many friends and family members. I mentioned in the email how hard this wait has been on me and how I've been on the verge of tears most of the time. (Ted and Richard would know - I cried at coffee this am - and you know what they were OK with that - another reason I love these guys!) Ted and Richard were the first two to respond to the request. I wanted to share their responses to my email - I hope it will encourage you the way it did me.

Good Grief what a mess. I am glad you got new pictures! My prayer is for everyone to bring home their kids! Keep smiling, I saw more happy smiles today then I did tears! You know that God is good and will take care of all the details “Greater is he that is in YOU and Hannah, then he who is in the world”.
Love you my friend, Ted

oh, yes...re: the "wait"

Charles Stanley was teaching today about the "wait". He believes the greatest thing we learn as believers is to "wait" and the greatest gift we receive comes through waiting. May your wait not be a weight...once again, cast your care on him, for he cares for you...if you can do it now, you'll be able to do it as a mom and the wait won't be a weight.

Be His,

Richard

Yes, and amen - Be His!

Springtime in the Rockies

2009-03-26T21:27:00.004-06:00

Syd the snow angel

The deck and my favorite tree - the Blue Spruce.

I wish I had some fabulous news to share about Hannah's homecoming, but alas, the wait continues. We aren't likely to hear much more before the second week of April - and I'm probably being hopeful.

So, anywho, while we wait...I heard on the news last night that so far this year we have had just under two inches of snow and the norm is 26 inches! Well, today we are trying to catch up! It's hard to tell exactly how much we've had, but I would guess it's somewhere in the neighborhood of 10 inches and it's not supposed to stop snowing until sometime tomorrow am. Of course, it will likely all melt before the weekend is over. It's supposed to be in the 50's on Saturday. Never a dull moment around here.

Fun with the Wii

2009-03-22T20:40:00.005-06:00

Tonight we had my dad over for dinner for some Pesto Pizza - Yum! After dinner Syd said, "So, Papa, what do you say we play some Wii?" Too cute! So she, and my 68 year old dad, proceeded to play a game of Wii Bowling. And Papa bowled a 192! Wow! Not bad for an "old guy" - that's what Syd calls him.

Syd has made Papa his very own Mii - complete with a white mustache and thinning white hair! It cracks me up.

As I watched my dad get a Turkey (I learned tonight that's 3 strikes in a row) I thought of how much fun he has with Syd and how much fun it will be to watch him bond with Hannah. He has been a bit reserved in his comments about my pending adoption - I think mostly because he's worried about me and how long this is taking. But as I watch him sit with Syd on his lap messing with what little hair he has left, I am convinced that he will adore Hannah just as much as he adores Syd and I can't wait to watch it unfold!

By the way, the picture above is from last Summer on our deck - I didn't think to take any pictures tonight. I'm gonna have to work on that.

"It's all in the wrist, Auntie"

2009-03-20T12:59:00.003-06:00

Today is the first day of Spring Break for Syd and she is home with me. She's not feeling too well. Poor kid. We were playing some Monopoly and she was kicking my butt! She kept rolling doubles and getting to take extra turns, but somehow she was only rolling them two times in a row and not three which lands you in jail. What a lucky girl. Well, I ended up in jail and could not roll doubles to save my life - when I commented on this she told me, "It's all in the wrist, Auntie" What a riot! Syd says she'll be teaching Hannah how to roll doubles and beat me at Monopoly as soon as she's old enough.

When I asked what she'd like for lunch she told me "Pickles, cheese and Milanos" (yes the cookies) I think I must have made a strange face, because she said "Come on, I AM SICK"

Collecting my thoughts...

2009-03-17T21:15:00.003-06:00

Do you ever feel like you just can't rub two brain cells together to express what's going on in your life? Well, that's me right about now. It's so hard to express all the thoughts and feelings rolling around in my brain and heart during this agonizing wait. Reading the news stories coming out of Kyrg just makes me sad. Reading the posts on the yahoo groups I belong to, makes me sadder. I feel powerless.

I miss Moonbeam...I think that really sums it up.

Ahhhhh, Daylight Savings!

2009-03-08T21:52:00.003-06:00

It was light until 7:30pm here in Denver and I felt myself breathe a long sigh of relief! I dread those short days of Winter. And while Winter is not yet officially over - it was a balmy 60 degrees here today! It was gorgeous and I felt so grateful! The green leaves of the tulips in my front yard are beginning to climb their way out in the open. I cannot wait to see their happy red and yellow faces. I love Spring! The lengthening days, the warming weather, the greening grass and foliage. I had so hoped to be spending Spring with Moonbeam. Exploring the parks and the greenbelts around my neighborhood, planting flowers on my deck, taking a trip to the zoo. I guess that will have to wait.

There really is no news to report on the adoption front. There have been many phone calls, meetings, press releases and lots of speculation, but nothing concrete. And so I wait. Patiently at times and frantically at others. This is a season and it too shall pass.

His Personal Concern

2009-02-28T17:29:00.004-07:00

1 Peter 5:7 (Phillips Translation)
You can throw the full weight of your anxieties on Him. For you are His personal concern.

AMEN! My heart leaps at this. This verse is so comforting to me. I have been struggling with anxiety lately - and I have to moment by moment throw all of my concerns on the Lord knowing that I am His personal concern! I love that - His (the God of the universe!) personal concern - it boggles my mind and brings me amazing peace all at the same time! He wants to know what is on my heart! He cares about what makes me anxious. He wants to carry those anxieties for me! Did you catch that visual? Throw the full weight of your anxieties on Him! He's big enough to handle them all - even if you throw them!

Moonbeam and all the waiting children are His personal concern!

And you know what? You too, are His personal concern!

Let’s Get it Right for the Wrights!

2009-02-26T21:49:00.002-07:00

I'm joining in on this Blog campaign for the Wrights - who have worked tirelessly in Kyrgyzstan for the good of so many - including many orphans! Please consider supporting this wonderful couple in their ministry!

Let’s Get it Right for the Wrights!
Dear Friends of the Wrights,
We all know and understand the effectiveness of the work John, Julie and family have done in Kyrgyzstan – the country they love so much and have been called to. Let’s get them there ON THE GROUND full time! We can do this.
This post is coming out with other blog posts all over the country – people who have blogs that know the Wrights. Let’s shock them with the provision of financial resources and letters/notes of encouragement to help them return to Kyrgyzstan. They want to go as full time missionaries – they just need our help to get them there.
We propose that we raise a minimum of the following:
$20,000 to cover a year’s needs on the home front
· Home expenses – the place to come back to
$30,000 to cover a year’s needs on the foreign front
· Travel in and out of the country with family 2 x a year
· Travel in the country to the different sites
· Family expenses – including the educational needs of one daughter
· Lodging and meals
This is just $50,000. We can do this and we can do it quickly. Here is how. Go to JOHN’S Blog and hit the button that is for the Wrights….support.
www.actofkindness.blogspot.com
AND guess what – you can watch all that is done there on his blog..you will learn to live vicariously in a healthy way by reading and supporting the RIGHT cause. What an opportunity – Will you help?
Let’s do it RIGHT FOR THE WRIGHTS!
Blessings, Lynn and Ruby from LAMb International

Persecuted, but NOT abandoned...

2009-02-22T19:49:00.004-07:00

OK I know that I have not experienced persecution in the classical sense, but the uncertainty, delays, and seemingly, neverending waiting sure feels like it!

This week I've been spending some time in Paul's 2nd letter to the church at Corinth (my fancy way of saying 2 Corinthians) I'm trying to hold on to the hope contained in these verses...

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. and later in Chapter 4, Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

There is no way I would ever consider abandoning my Moonbeam - I will wait as long as I have to. And if I can make that commitment how much more is God's commitment to me and to my little Moonbeam and all of the waiting children and families. WOW - that's somehting to wrap your brain around. We are not forgotten and definitely not abandoned.

And so I remember that I am not crushed, abandoned, or destroyed. I will try not to complain about my light and momentary troubes, though they seem heavy and lengthy! And I will put my faith firmly in the One who's heart is for the orphan! James 1:27

I'm waiting for you Moonbeam! I will not give up and I will focus on the One who is unseen and eternal! Knowing that He watches over you every minute of everyday!

Brought to you by the letter "M"...

2009-02-15T19:48:00.002-07:00

Blog buddy and fellow PAP/AP, Shannon assigned me the letter M for this blog post.

Here are the rules…If you want to play, leave a comment on this post letting me know, and I’ll assign you a letter. You write about ten things you love that begin with your assigned letter, and post it at your place. When people comment on your list, you give them a letter, and the chain continues on and on!

Here are my favorites....

1. My Moonbeam - I love, love, love her! I love her sweet little smile and adorable giggle! I cannot wait to have her home for good! Until then I am praying for her constantly!
2. My mom - She was an amazing lady! A wonderful mother and friend! She had a love for life! She loved Jesus. She loved her family and friends. She was selfless, always thinking of the good of everyone around her before herself. She was kind and compassionate - willing to work tirelessly for things she believed in like at-risk youth and counseling young women who had become pregnant. I miss you mom!
3. Mickey and Minnie - OK - I have to admit it - I love all things Disney including the Mouse and his Bride! I have since I was a little girl growing up in Southern California. My dad actually worked for Disney for 30 years so I had tons of opportunities to visit Disneyland, watch Disney movies and visit the studios in Burbank!
4. Macaroni and cheese - another guilty pleasure that I try not to indulge in. What's not to love?
OK this is harder than I thought it would be....what are some other m's... money nah! mustard, nah! I've got it!
5. Munchkins! As a child and family therapist, I absolutely adore kiddos! All ages, shapes, sizes and colors! I learn so much from them and love watching them learn through their play!
Let's see, what else? Monkeys, no, not really! Makeup - definitely not! March - NOPE! (Denver's snowiest month!)
6. May! I love the month of May when it's getting progressively warmer and the day progressively longer. The bulbs are in bloom! The grass is greening up. I may even get the opportunity to see my toes, freshly pedicured, in some sandals again!
7. Mail - I love getting mail - especially the snail mail kind - as long as it isn't bills. I also look forward to that wonderful little sound notifying me of a new email in my inbox.
8. Music - how did this make it all the way to #8? I adore music! I love to sing. I'm learning to play guitar. I almost always have music going. Gospel, country, classical, 80's you name it! As long as it isn't Rap.
Marbles? nah! Marshmallows? Well, yes, but not enough to make it into the top ten. Meatloaf? Nah!
9. Mexican food! Definitely a favorite of mine!
10. Movies! Especially a good chick flick!

Picture Tag

2009-02-12T22:10:00.006-07:00

In the interest of a few good laughs I've "tagged" myself for this fun little meme...I found it on a blog I discovered through a fellow PAP's blog Suzanne and now love to read: Habesha Child.
You post the 4th picture from your 4th folder of pictures - no cheating!

The blond in the back is me! ACK! I cannot believe I ever wore a bikini! I so do not remember this! The zany brunette in the front is my ham of a sister Kristi! Don't you just love the potted plant in the "macrame" hanger! The gentleman standing up is my Grandpa - he was a gem! He is bringing out the delectable desert. How can you not love a man that makes ice cream from scratch! Not with the fancy electric type ice cream makers, but with the hand crank one! Now that's true love!

I expect my little Moonbeam will appreciate this picture someday - should be good for at least a few hundred more laughs!

So, even though I wasn't officially tagged I think I will tag others!

Lisa B., Ann B., Beulah and Laura - TAG YOU'RE IT!

Hope Deferred...

2009-02-09T21:56:00.000-07:00

In the book of Proverbs, the wise King Solomon wrote "hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life."

Throughout this adoption adventure, by God's grace, I have maintained an attitude of hopefulness - being convinced that it isn't IF but WHEN I bring home my precious little girl.

I have to admit that King Solomon's words about heart sickness have really been resonating with me this past week. I am finding it more and more difficult to focus on the when and have begun to believe that if is a very real possibility.

I am not in anyway saying that I am done fighting, or waiting, or praying. I am not saying that God has forgotten me or Hannah.

Simply this, that my heart is sick.

Warmer in Denver?

2009-02-06T19:51:00.002-07:00

This week I am in "not so sunny" California for my company's annual meeting. I look forward to this meeting for one reason and one reason only - it is likely to be a wonderful escape from the winter blues I get during February in Denver!

But, to my great dismay, it is warmer in Denver this week! Denver has been in the 60's and 70's and here in SoCal it hasn't gotten much above 50 and it's rainy!

And what, you ask, will the weather be like in Denver when I return on Sunday? A rain/snow mix with a balmy, high of 44 degrees.

Alas, tropical weather is not in my near future. (insert heavy sigh here)

I'm furry too Auntie!

2009-01-30T21:55:00.006-07:00

Tonight, as I was finishing my post for Moonbeam's half birthday, Syd came into my room and wanted to see my blog. She asked if I have any pictures of her on my blog.....uh....no....ooops! Better fix that! As she scrolled down the page she discovered the pictures of my pooches Lucy and Cleo - to which she remarked "Furry Kids, Hey I'm furry too!" Ahhhh, laughter is good for the soul! "No, seriously Auntie, my ears are furry! Look closely!"

Now that I've recovered from my laugh attack, here's the debut of my furry niece, Syd! Isn't she a doll?

Happy Half Birthday Moonbeam!

2009-01-30T21:34:00.006-07:00

Moonbeam is 2 1/2 years old today!

Happy Birthday sweet girl! I love you! I can't wait to celebrate birthdays together!

I imagine all the details...all of our friends and loved ones there to celebrate you!
I imagine you licking the frosting off the cupcake - because, of course, that is the best part!

So, why "Hannah"?

2009-01-26T19:18:00.004-07:00

Another new week! Whew! My mom always used to talk about how time flies - I never really understood that as a kid, but it makes complete sense now!

Lots of positive news on the adoption front, but nothing definitive about when my little Moonbeam will be headed home for good!

What a glorious day that will be!

On one of the Yahoo adoption groups I participate in we all shared how we came to name our little ones.

This made me realize that I never shared that story here.

So, why "Hannah"?

I chose the name Hannah because I love the story of the prophet Samuel's mother Hannah in the Bible (1 Samuel 1:1-2:11).

Hannah was a woman who poured out her heart to God - she had an ache to be a mom (me too!) After pouring out her heart she waited (me too!) for Him to provide.

Hannah was a woman of great faith and love! She left the Temple, where she had been praying, having complete faith that God would answer her prayer. And answer He did!

The name Hannah means grace or favor.

My Hannah's middle name will be the beautiful name her birth mom gave her A. (can't go public with that quite yet) - which means Moonbeam in Kyrgyz.

So she will be my "graceful moonbeam" awww.....isn't that precious?

Can't wait for you all to meet her! She is beautiful!

Meeting Moonbeam

2009-01-18T13:14:00.002-07:00

Unfortunately, I have no fabulous news to report after this past week! All my hopes of hearing something wonderful have been disappointed. However, there wasn't really any bad news either. Kyrg appears to continue to attempt to move forward with Int'l Adoption - and that is good news! It just isn't likely to happen quickly....insert heavy sigh here....

I was looking back through my journal and found this entry written from Bishkek the evening of the day I met Moonbeam! I thought I would share it here.

August 5, 2008
Dear A.
I met you for the first time today. At first you were shy and timid. you cried when S. put you in my arms. you weren't feeling very good that day. Your tummy was hurting and so you were upstairs away from the other kids. When I saw you, in your little red shorts, bare feet and no shirt, your sweet little shaved head - my heart melted. As we spent some time together you smiled and me and giggled when I tickled your tummy. You were a bit unsteady on your feet, but you were very determined. You didn't give up! If you fell down, you just picked yoursefl up and tried again.
One time a little boy ran up and took away this little toy cellphone you had been playing with. You fell on the ground and started crying. Another little girl saw all of this and came over and helped you up - I couldn't understand what she was saying to you since it was in Russian, but I imagine she said something like"that was your toy - you go get that back!" And that's just what you did! You marched over to the little boy, grabbed the cellphone out of his hand, gave him a shove and came back over to me - grinning ear to ear! I thought, my little Moonbeam has spunk!

What a wonderful day! A day I will never forget! My dear little Hannah - my heart longs to see you again! I cannot wait to hold you in my arms, cover you with kisses and pour my love into your heart on a daily basis!

While you are thousands of miles away, you are never far from my heart!

Expectation or Dread?

2009-01-12T15:58:00.002-07:00

As this week begins I find myself wondering if this will be a week full of good news or another week of disappointment?
I am reminded of a devotion that I led at church a few weeks ago and some things that the Lord spoke to my heart. The devotion comes from one of my favorite books written by Joyce Rupp - it's called May I Have This Dance? One of the suggestions for prayer in the January devotion is to draw a road that symbolizes the year just completed and another for the year ahead. Then spend some time writing down key experiences, events, thoughts and feelings.
As I reflected on the road for 2008 I realized that it was a year full of wonderful highs and heartbreaking lows! One of the highlights was the week I spent in Bishkek with my little Moonbeam! Of course, the lowlights were related to the delays in bringing her home.
As I was looking forward to 2009 I realized that my heart is full of dread! I heard God's still small voice speaking to my heart that He wanted to change my dread into expectation. On my road for 2009 I sensed Him speaking these words to my heart.
2009 is a year for expecting God's love, goodness, gentleness, acceptance, and tenderness towards me and towards my sweet Hannah.
No matter what the circumstances - this is who God is and I can receive all that He has planned for me - trusting His timing and planning - even if it doesn't match up with mine.
So here's to a year of expectation and NOT dread!

A Letter for Moonbeam

2009-01-07T20:28:00.002-07:00

A few weeks ago a friend asked me if I have been writing to Hannah. "Well, no" I said - "I'm not sure who would read the letters to her since her caregivers all speak Russian" Well Linda set out to find someone who does speak Russian and asked on my behalf if she would translate a letter to my sweet little Moonbeam. She agreed! So today I was able to put a letter in the mail to my little sweetie with some pictures of the two of us from trip one! Yippee!! Thank you Linda and Olga! What a blessing!

What does one write to a two year old? Well, it took me a few drafts, but I finally settled on this...

Dearest A. -
I miss you very much and I wish you were already home! I often look at pictures from my visit with you in August. I smile as I remember how much I loved getting to know you! I want to tell you that I think about you every day and I cannot wait to come back to Bishkek and bring you home! I am sending you some of the pictures from our visit. I hope you will remember me and how much fun we had together!
I pray for you, everyday – I am praying that you are healthy and know that you are very much loved by so many there in your home and also by me and most importantly by Jesus!
Your auntie and your cousin Sydney and your Papa cannot wait to meet you. Sydney says to tell you hello and that she can’t wait to play with you!
You are very loved A.! I can’t wait to see you again!
I love you!
Mama

Out of the mouths of babes....

2009-01-04T20:49:00.003-07:00

Tonight as I was checking email and getting ready for the week I heard my sweet little 9 year old niece Sydney come out of her room and say,
"Mommy, why did God give us belly buttons?"
I didn't hear my sister's answer, but I know for sure what mine would have been....
Belly buttons are the best spots for "zerbits"!
For those unfamiliar with the term - from Urban Dictionary

1. zerbit
n. The act of allowing one's lips and cheeks to vibrate while pressed firmly against a bare abdomen and exhaling forcefully. It usually elicits many giggles and protests from the victim to stop. syn. belly bubbles
AACK!!! It tickles too much when you give me a zerbit!

Ohhh how I look forward to zerbitting my sweet little Hannah!

Long Time No Post - Bad Blogger

2009-01-03T22:09:00.002-07:00

Happy New Year!
May 2009 be the year that my sweet Hannah comes home for good!
This evening I took the time to update my blog - give it a facelift so to speak - so I thought I'd better actually write something too!
My last post was in July and that seems like a lifetime ago! Since then I've visited my little Moonbeam (my dear friend Ann found out that this is what her Kyrgyz name means! Thank you Ann!) And I am now fully engaged in waiting! Sometimes patiently and sometimes not so patiently - but waiting nonetheless!
Rumor is that we will hear some good news in mid January!

Psalm 23

2008-07-23T20:51:00.000-06:00

As I walk through this adoption journey I find I must be vigilant about my thought life - as Joyce Meyer says "Think about what you are thinking about!" And so I find myself seeking peace in the midst of my ever-changing, often out of control circumstances!

In my quest for the peace that only the Lord can deliver, I came across this paraphrase of Psalm 23 in Linda Dillow's book Calm My Anxious Heart (a must read in my opinion).

The Lord is my peace. I shall not live in anxiety. He puts me under His wing of comfort and calms my spirit within me. He takes all my anxieties on Himself and helps me to focus on Him. Yes, though I walk through a time of grave uncertainties and fierce anxieties. I will not fret for You are my peace. Your Word and Your presence calm me now. You hold my uncertainties in the palm of Your hand. You soothe my anxious mind – You smooth my wrinkled brow. Surely serenity and trust in You shall fill me all the days of my life. And I shall keep my mind stayed on You forever.

A Tale of Two Phone Calls

2008-04-25T17:08:00.000-06:00

Yesterday was a day of extremes...

The first phone call came in the afternoon from my adoption agency letting me know that I am now the next mom who will receive a referral of a child! There are no longer any families ahead of me on the wait list. How amazing! Thank you Lord! I feel like I'm on cloud 9! I am told that I will likely receive my referral this Summer - meaning Hannah will likely be coming home this Fall! I am full of excitement, anticipation and all around joy!

Then the second phone call, around 6pm, from my boss, calling to let me know of some immediate changes in the structure of our business relationship. Sadness and fear set in! I have had it all planned out in my head - how my time off from travel will work and how I'll provide for Hannah and I during that time - that is all questionable now - at least in the way I had it all planned out. I feel like the clouds are moving in and my heart is deflated! What was joy and anticipation earlier in the day is now clouded by worry. So many questions run through my head - how will I be able to take my maternity leave? how will I have a steady income during my time off the road?

Last night I spent some time in prayer, and I sensed the Lord is reminding me of His promise to me "I will provide." And I believe that wholeheartedly! But my feelings don't seem to follow!

Today as I am driving around running errands a verse from a Psalm comes to mind....

Psalm 42:11
Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.

I immediately recognize that I have been putting my hope in my plans, in my job, and not in God! The one who has opened all of the doors to make this happen!

Forgive me Lord for trusting more in my plans than in Yours! And thank You for the hope that You have planted in my heart for Your provision for Hannah!

Roller Skating?

2007-10-28T19:25:00.000-06:00

Syd had her 8th birthday party today – what fun! She chose Skate City for the location – reminiscent of Skate Land in the Valley only cleaner. I remember the days of heading to Skate Land, hoping to be asked to skate the couples song – bliss! Skating hand in hand to a Chicago or an Air Supply ballad….what could be better?
So I donned my size nine pair of rental skates and stood up for the first time in about 20 years (how in the world did I get so old?) and I expected it to all come back naturally as if it was yesterday that I was racing around the rink never once reaching out for the wall. And then the moment of truth hits and I'm frantically trying to reach the wall before my butt hits the floor. What a strange sensation, to be 100% certain you can skate, no fear, and then to stand up and realize with the same 100% certainty that you cannot!
Looks like I've got some practicing to do! But the first thing I'll have to deal with is getting over the fear of falling!