What if it never happens?

I have to admit, this is the question floating around in my head as the weeks go by with NO NEWS! No forward movement! Continued silence! Not one shred of evidence that things will resolve soon and I will be making a trip to reunite with my beloved girl!
Today, I felt my prayer changing a bit....I am beginning to pray for a family for Moonbeam in Bishkek. I would so much rather see her in a loving family TODAY, than waiting in the BBH for another year or more for me. As much as it breaks my heart to say it out loud or write it here on my blog, that truly is my prayer! Father, bring her a family! Please don't let her miss out on even one more day of living in a loving family. I feel like her childhood is slipping away and it just isn't fair! I feel such a sense of urgency for her as the days march toward her fourth birthday - when she will likely be moved to the older children's orphanage. I can't bare to think of her having to move to another institution. I want so much for her to experience the love of a mama and a papa. And as much as I want that mama to be me, I also do not want her to wait any longer. So, my prayer is that there is a family in country for her. It seems impossible - she has lived at the orphanage since she was two months old and it hasn't happened, but You are the God of the impossible!
Please, Lord! No more waiting for Moonbeam!

Home Study Update

Today was my home study update visit. It was rather bittersweet for me. I cannot believe that I have to go through all of this paperwork and visits etc yet again and sweet Moonbeam still isn't home. (Insert big, heavy sigh here) I've been feeling rather blue lately. OK - I just re-read what I wrote and I'm thinking "wah, wah! Get over yourself, many families have gone before you and have had to update many times! And someday, this will all be worth it!"

On the sweet side, while here, my social worker and I discussed the domestic waiting child program and how the process will unfold. That is exciting and something to look forward to. She even said that it is possible I may have a child at home by the Fall! Wow! To borrow a line from Pamela, I may be having the longest and the shortest pregnancies simultaneously! ACK!

Funny story, Syd told the social worker that she cannot wait for Hannah 1 and Hannah 2 to come home. :-) Even though I have told her they will not both be named Hannah, she tells me, "well, we don't know what the 2nd little girl's name will be so I'm just going to call her Hannah 2 for now." Ahhh, laughter, it's good for the soul.

Happy Mother's Day

It would be so easy to spend the day thinking of the sadness that is in my heart without sweet Moonbeam home, and believe me I've already had a good cry, BUT instead I would like to focus on the many women who have had an impact on my life.
My beautiful mom who was such an amazing woman. She was selfless, patient, kind, strong and a whole bunch of fun! I miss her and pray that I can be half the mom to Moonbeam that she was to me.
My sister, Kristi, is an amazing mom - she is patient and kind with Syd. Being a single mom is a ton of work, but Kristi handles it with grace and an incredible amount of strength!
My mom's twin sister, Auntie Jan. I have so many wonderful memories of time spent with her and I can't wait for her to meet sweet Hannah - I know she will be the grandma that Mom won't get to be. I always feel so loved and accepted by her! She is full of life and fun and lots of ways to make you feel special!
Oh, the list could go on and on - I have been blessed by so many women. And I feel grateful for their presence and influence on my life. I am hopeful that I will be able to follow in their footsteps as a mom!
Happy Mother's Day to all the Moms out there! May you enjoy your families and feel loved and appreciated!