Kyrgyz Interim Leader is on Facebook!

Roza Otunbayeva, Kyrgyzstan's interim leader is hip enough to be on facebook :)
Which means she is far "hipper" than I am! :)

Click here for a link to her facebook page.

This am she posted a message to the 65 waiting families lettting the whole world know that she does, in fact, know about the waiting kiddos and stating that they will be reunited with their families. Moonbeam has a family now, but there are still many waiting children and I know she would want her buddies to be with their forever families! So, if you are also "hipper" than I am and you are on facebook - would you please post a comment in support of Ms. Otunbayeva and request that she continue to pursue every avenue available to her to make a way for these children to be with their waiting families.

And, beyond that please be praying for Roza!

Thanks and an Update

First, let me say a million thanks to all of you who have left comments, sent me emails and called to encourage! I am so thankful for all of you! I feel supported, understood and loved! Thank you!
Next, let me say this has been one of the hardest weeks! I spent most of it alternating between celebrating and grieving - I am completely exhausted.
I spoke with my agency this evening and she had an update from our in country coordinator that was again both heartbreaking and heartwarming. She says that Hannah has in fact, gone to live with relatives. When they came to take her home, I am told she was very confused, upset and kept asking for me - she wanted to see my pictures and kept asking where I was? Sweet girl - as much as is possible for a three year old she truly was waiting for me and that really warms my heart! I hope I will be able to stay in touch with her. My coordinator says that she will contact them in the Fall after they have had time to settle in and ask if it would be OK for me to write her. I truly hope so!
Again, thank you so much to each of you who have shown your love, support and understanding of this painful journey.

In the News

Lots of press recently - too bad it isn't good news :(

Friday April 23rd - Associated Press Writer David Crary - find story here

Friday April 23rd - Washington Post article about the base - find story here

Wednesday April 21st - Laurie Rich story published in Newsweek - find story here
Recognize the mom and daughter strolling the grounds of the BBH?

Wednesday April 21st - Moscow Times article about Kyrgyz - find story here

Haven't posted in awhile...

mainly because it is just so hard to put into words all that has happened over the last few weeks. From the high of the Family Code legislation that could pave the way for the starting of international adoptions again being passed in parliament waiting for the president to sign after a 30 day public comment period to the low of that very parliament being dissolved by an interim government...I just don't know what to say anymore.

I pray that this leads the way for a brighter future for Kyrgyzstan overall, but I am fearful that sweet Moonbeam and the other waiting children will be the littlest victims in the battle for that brighter future.

As I write that last sentence I am crying....again.

What if it never happens?

I have to admit, this is the question floating around in my head as the weeks go by with NO NEWS! No forward movement! Continued silence! Not one shred of evidence that things will resolve soon and I will be making a trip to reunite with my beloved girl!
Today, I felt my prayer changing a bit....I am beginning to pray for a family for Moonbeam in Bishkek. I would so much rather see her in a loving family TODAY, than waiting in the BBH for another year or more for me. As much as it breaks my heart to say it out loud or write it here on my blog, that truly is my prayer! Father, bring her a family! Please don't let her miss out on even one more day of living in a loving family. I feel like her childhood is slipping away and it just isn't fair! I feel such a sense of urgency for her as the days march toward her fourth birthday - when she will likely be moved to the older children's orphanage. I can't bare to think of her having to move to another institution. I want so much for her to experience the love of a mama and a papa. And as much as I want that mama to be me, I also do not want her to wait any longer. So, my prayer is that there is a family in country for her. It seems impossible - she has lived at the orphanage since she was two months old and it hasn't happened, but You are the God of the impossible!
Please, Lord! No more waiting for Moonbeam!

Moonbeam Has a Visitor!

Many of you probably know that JCICS and three waiting families were on the ground in Bishkek over this past week. You can read more at JCICS's blog Be the Answer.

God orchestrated the trip perfectly to allow the families to meet with many officials at a strategic time - the week right before Parliament is scheduled to discuss IA once again. Now we wait with baited breath this week to see how they might act on the info shared last week.

One of the wonderful benefits of this trip was that the team had the opportunity to check in on the waiting children. My dear friend and travel buddy Lisa wrote me this email last week....I really haven't stopped smiling since! And I cannot wait to see the photos!

"I just wanted you to know that I spent a little time with A. today. Oh my, she is sooooo beautiful! She has a head of hair and her smiling eyes are still shiney! I crocheted her a little hat on the way over on the second flight. I put it on and took some pictures. I did not have the chance to make her a photo book, but I did bring a couple of photos. Oh, it was beautiful. I will share more when I am home and rested, but know that she is still a bright little star and all seems well."

A million thanks to Lisa and the rest of the team for taking the time to love all of the waiting kiddos! It means so much to know that they are well! I am encouraged for the first time in months. Even though we still do not have a travel date I am once again hopeful that things will eventually be resolved and Moonbeam and all of her buddies will come home!

Things That Don't Suck

Inspired by Shannon's recent post, I thought I'd post my own list of things that don't suck!
In no particular order....

1. The amazing support or friends and family! I know I am sick of this whole situation and yet friends are still willing to check in with me and hear about the wait and continue to pray! I am so grateful for that!

2. While I'm waiting I have had the opportunity to foster two sweet little girls - they are 5 and 3 1/2. They have been with me about 2 1/2 weeks and will be with me about one month total. It really has been a wonderful experience.

3. Puppies sleeping on your lap - snuggly and warm.

4. Knowing you are loved unconditionally by Jesus!

5. Strawberry shortcake with homemade whip cream thanks to my dear sister!

6. Listening to Syd, F. and H. laugh and giggle as they find each other playing hide and seek!

7. Getting pictures of the juice, snacks, stuffed animals and clothes delivered to the BBH for the kiddos!

8. Days warm enough to play outside

9. Wii fit - it's fun and I sweat too! :) (although probably not enough, but were talking about things that "don't suck" so...)

10. Folllowing along on "virtual" friends' blogs who are reuniting with their kiddos and having "gotcha" days! (Sadly none of them from Kyrgyzstan yet!)

Dare to Hope

When you have waited to be a mom since you were a little girl, and waited to complete an international adoption for two and a half years (I started with Guatemala) you begin to lose hope and in an effort to protect your heart you choose not to hope. You begin to choose not to dream about having your little girl at home with you. You start avoiding looking at the pictures of her sweet little face, not because you don't adore her, but because looking at her pictures makes your heart ache so intensely you don't know if you can bear it. You begin to wonder why God would not want to make your dreams come true.?

As 2010 begins, I really sense God saying to me - I want you to "dare to hope"! Even in the midst of the ongoing uncertainty. Even if your heart continues to break - dare to hope! Hope in Me, in my love for you, in my love for Hannah and all of the waiting children. Hope in My commitment to and passion for orphans.

Following along with the Lajoy's adventure of adding two more little girls to their family, reminds me that with God ALL things are possible. (Matthew 19:26)

And so, this year I will dare to hope!

Happy New Year! Welcome 2010!

Happy New Year! I am so excited to see what 2010 will bring! I am praying for a gotcha trip!

We had a New Year's Eve party last night - mostly to celebrate the end of 2009! We played a really fun game - Telephone Pictionary - you remember the old game of "Telephone" where you whisper a phrase in a friend's ear and they whisper what they heard to the next person and so on - until it makes it all the way to the end of the line and the last person says out loud what they heard - well in "Telephone Pictionary" you draw the phrase that is written on the piece of paper handed to you, you then hand it to the next person who has to write the phrase they believe matches the picture you drew, and then they pass this on and so on! The phrase I wrote was "Fiddler on the Roof", by the time it made it back around to me it became - "Wonder cat emits an alarming sound from his belt"? What in the world? I laughed harder than I've laughed in a LONG time - it is good for the soul! It is good to be with friends and family.

Happy New Year! May 2010 be filled with hope, expectation, and wonderful surprises!

So Long 2009

I am tempted to say "good riddance" and well, I guess I just did! 2009 was a very tough year - quite the roller coaster filled with lots of disappointments. I am trying to remember the good as well. I know there were some wonderful moments, but in my current state I just can't seem to put my finger on any of those memories - I need to read back through some old blog posts and my journal and dig some up!

My dear friend who also happens to be my pastor, Mike feels that 2010 will be a "banner year". I am hopeful that he has "heard correctly" and this will be the case!

In any case, Happy New Year! May 2010 be a year of reunification and reconciliation!

Merry Christmas Blogging Friends

I just want to wish all of my blogging friends a very Merry Christmas! Your comments and support through this long journey mean so very much to me! Your support holds me up when I feel like I am sinking in the sadness of this wait.

May the Prince of Peace fill you with the peace that only He can bring during this Season of Advent.

Isaiah 9:6

For a child is born to us. A Son is given to us. And the government will rest on His shoulders. These will be His royal titles:

Wonderful Counselor

Mighty God

Everlasting Father

The Prince of Peace.

Merry Christmas Moonbeam!

Dear Sweet Moonbeam ~

Merry Christmas sweetie. I am thinking of you today and missing you terribly. I wish you were here to join in on all the fun of Christmas morning. Opening lots of Santa presents and looking through your stocking to see what goodies you might find there. Enjoying the yummy french toast that Uncle Denny made especially for us. I wish you could play with your cousin Aleah. I know Syd wishes she could play with you too.

Mama loves you and is praying for you all the time. And praying for the officials that they will get a move on and let you come home soon!

Advent and I.A.*

Advent is a season of waiting. A season of joyful anticipation of the birth of our Savior. There were more than 400 years of relative silence between Malachi and Matthew...400 years of waiting for the Messiah promised over and over by the prophets, finally fulfilled by a tiny baby's cry.
Jesus

He was the answer everyone was waiting for.

And no one expected.

A warrior, yes!

A King - definitely!

A statesman - to be sure!

But a baby? Completely unexpected.

And yet, He was and still is, the perfect answer to a world in need of reconciliation, forgiveness, restoration, healing.


I.A. has turned out to be a season of waiting for me. Completely unexpected. As I anticipate the joyful homecoming of Moonbeam. As the wait drags on maintaining a sense of hopefulness is tricky. And yet hope I must. In light of who I know God to be - a God of reconciliation, a God whose heart is for the orphan. A God of mercy and compassion. My hope is in Him. In the one who will provide for Hannah and for me in unexpected ways. I don't want to be so caught up in my frustration that things don't look like I would have liked or expected that I miss His plan. And so I wait - sometimes in joyful expectation, other times in self - pity, but I wait nonetheless. I won't give up Moonbeam - I am still waiting, and hoping and praying that one day we will be reunited!

*I.A. = International Adoption

Thankful

Happy Thanksgiving - even though my sweet Moonbeam isn't home yet and that would be the ultimate in happy thanksgivings - I still have so much to be grateful for. Friends, family, a warm house, two furry children that I just adore. People that are praying like crazy for all of the children still living in the orphanages in Kyrgyzstan. New found friends who are also enduring this wait and understand completely what it is like to be powerless to move things along. And of course, what is Thanksgiving without turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes and pumpkin pie. Yum! Overall, it was a very good day.

What's a Bigger Number Than Cajillion????

I cannot freaking believe it, but yes indeed, I need to get more fingerprints! Unbelievable! To update my homestudy I needed new fingerprints and now to extend my I-600A I need new biometric fingerprints....ummmmmm because? I just had to get new fingerprints for my I-600A because the fingerprints expire in 12 months. However, when you request an extension you must get brand spanking new fingerprints...even if your last fingerprints are less than six months old. GRRRRRRRR!!!!!!
News reports out of Kyrgyz today seem to point to yet another new date...February 15th this time. Again, unbelievable!
I won't give up Moonbeam...I miss you.....I love you! I'm still fighting for you!

Wishing...

I had something to share, but alas, I do not. Still praying like crazy for sweet Moonbeam's health and well being and for movement in the government. Trying to hold on to hope that one day this will all be a distant memory and she will be home - healthy and happy.

This, I Know...

This baby crying picture is so me right now! Balled up fists, crying my eyes out!

As this wait drags on, I am finding myself frequently in tears as I think about sweet Moonbeam still living in an orphanage, without a family.

I am in tears thinking about her going through another winter there. It's cold!

And to be honest, I am in tears thinking about another holiday season without children of my own to enjoy it with.

I just can't make sense of this at all....and so I cry...often.

Don't get me wrong, I am not hopeless. I still firmly believe that Moonbeam and all of the waiting children will come home. I am just grieving the loss of this time with her. During these formative and crucial years for attachment and development, it breaks my heart that she is not with me. I grieve for both of us. I grieve for all the orphans.

So, in this mess of tears I am finding I have to be really vigilant about my thoughts. The words of Peter speak to me...

1Peter 5:8-11

8Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
10And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 11To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.

When I am alert, this, I know for sure: God is not powerless. He has not forgotten me, Moonbeam or any of the other waiting children. He is not sleeping on the job, He is at work. His plan will prevail! God is mighty to save. He is protecting Moonbeam's heart. His heart breaks with mine for the sweet children.

Joel 2:25 (King James Version)
25And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm, and the caterpiller, and the palmerworm, my great army which I sent among you.

I know I am totally taking this verse out of context, but the words keep coming back to me. I will restore to you the years the the locust hath eaten. I really believe that the Lord will restore these years of living in an orphanage to Hannah and me. This, I know....

From Butterflies to Disappointment

The wait continues and, in fact, looms larger. Our conference call today was hopeful from the standpoint that there is lots of advocating for the children happening at very high levels. BUT - well from the title you knew there had to be a but - once again there is absolutely no sense that anything will happen anytime soon. In fact, it's pretty clear that the wait is really nowhere close to over! ARGHHHHH!!!

I still feel very hopeful that this will eventually work out - and the officials on the call seemed to communicate that as well.

Even though I was trying to manage my expectations, I think I let myself hope that we might have some indication of a time frame.

Living with uncertainty is exhausting. I'm just ready to bring Moonbeam home. She needs to be with her family.

Butterflies

Today holds the possibility for good news! The butterflies are flying!
Lord - breakthrough!

Anticipation...

that pretty much sums it up....anticipation! With the renewal of hope there is also an anticipation of news, not just news, but good news. I wish I was free to share more, but suffice it to say that movement is occurring. Nothing definite, but movement nonetheless.

Over this past week the waiting 65 families have been supporting each other in ways that are hard to describe. One way that I wanted to share with you, was a post started by one of the dear moms called, "Thread for encouraging verses" - what a fabulous idea - by the end of the day there must have been over 50 verses posted - and encouraging is an understatement for sure!

It is inspiring and contagious to be a part of a group of families who are clinging to the Lord during this prolonged wait.

I especially like this post from one of the moms...
Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.
~ Romans 12:12, NLT

And so, in anticipation of our confident hope being fulfilled, I will leave you with this picture of Moonbeam and I strolling the grounds of the BBH. Hopeful that someday soon, you will be seeing pictures - including our faces - of us strolling the grounds of home.