Wow - I just realized that my Happy Birthday to Moonbeam post was my 100th post! Crazy!
Anyhow, I've decided this will be my last post here on Hoping for Hannah - so sad that it has come to this....but sweet Moonbeam is with her new family and I am not certain if I will be getting any updates - I'm still hoping, but as of now it doesn't seem likely. I will continue to pray for her and she will always be in my heart!
This journey has taken so many unexpected twists and turns. I am so thankful that none of this has taken God by surprise and that even though I don't really understand why things have turned out the ways they have - His plan is still unfolding....He is still in control!
I am starting a new adoption journey - I will be blogging about it here. I hope and pray it will end differently, but I know that no matter the outcome I will still be His.
One thing I have definitely learned during this journey to adopt is that this is not just my journey - I am amazed at the ways God has impacted others through my journey - huh? You mean it's not all about me? :)
I re-discovered this post on another of my blogs and it really fits with where I'm at now....this journey is not just my own...hope you'll join me.
Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Sunday, May 2, 2010
An Answer to Prayer
Back on March 6th I posted about the change in my prayer for Moonbeam. I started praying specifically for a family in Kyrgyz to adopt her - before her 4th birthday!
Just under two months later and God has answered that prayer. My agency coordinator called today to let me know that relatives have returned to the BBH to adopt Moonbeam. She tells me that she first heard about this three weeks ago, but was waiting to share with me until she knew for sure that it would be happening.
As I type through my tears, heartbroken that I will not get to be her mama, I am also thrilled to know she will not wait any longer, she will not move orphanages in July - instead she will celebrate her birthday with her forever family - and that makes me want to jump for joy!
I am forever changed by this process. I am honored that I have been able to pray for and love Moonbeam for the past 23 months. And that honor will not stop now. I will continue to pray for her and for her forever family.
Just under two months later and God has answered that prayer. My agency coordinator called today to let me know that relatives have returned to the BBH to adopt Moonbeam. She tells me that she first heard about this three weeks ago, but was waiting to share with me until she knew for sure that it would be happening.
As I type through my tears, heartbroken that I will not get to be her mama, I am also thrilled to know she will not wait any longer, she will not move orphanages in July - instead she will celebrate her birthday with her forever family - and that makes me want to jump for joy!
I am forever changed by this process. I am honored that I have been able to pray for and love Moonbeam for the past 23 months. And that honor will not stop now. I will continue to pray for her and for her forever family.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Happy Easter
He is risen!
I am thankful for such a beautiful and very meaningful Easter weekend. Starting with a Good Friday service which was very powerful, moving into a prayer vigil and then a very moving Easter service this am. Each year I am more convinced that you cannot truly experience the joy of Easter without experiencing the weight of your sin on Good Friday - the very sin that pinned Jesus to the cross.
Easter is all about hope! If Jesus was just a good man who died for a cause then that's it - the story is over and it means little to us today! But He was and is so much more than that. The Son of God - who died to reconcile us to God - resurrected and triumphing over death and sin and all that separates us from a loving God who desires a relationship with us!
Thank you Jesus for your sacrifice! Thank you for the cross which allows me to draw near now! The veil is torn - the victory is yours!
He is risen!
He is risen indeed!
I am thankful for such a beautiful and very meaningful Easter weekend. Starting with a Good Friday service which was very powerful, moving into a prayer vigil and then a very moving Easter service this am. Each year I am more convinced that you cannot truly experience the joy of Easter without experiencing the weight of your sin on Good Friday - the very sin that pinned Jesus to the cross.
Easter is all about hope! If Jesus was just a good man who died for a cause then that's it - the story is over and it means little to us today! But He was and is so much more than that. The Son of God - who died to reconcile us to God - resurrected and triumphing over death and sin and all that separates us from a loving God who desires a relationship with us!
Thank you Jesus for your sacrifice! Thank you for the cross which allows me to draw near now! The veil is torn - the victory is yours!
He is risen!
He is risen indeed!
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Moonbeam Has a Visitor!
Many of you probably know that JCICS and three waiting families were on the ground in Bishkek over this past week. You can read more at JCICS's blog Be the Answer.
God orchestrated the trip perfectly to allow the families to meet with many officials at a strategic time - the week right before Parliament is scheduled to discuss IA once again. Now we wait with baited breath this week to see how they might act on the info shared last week.
One of the wonderful benefits of this trip was that the team had the opportunity to check in on the waiting children. My dear friend and travel buddy Lisa wrote me this email last week....I really haven't stopped smiling since! And I cannot wait to see the photos!
"I just wanted you to know that I spent a little time with A. today. Oh my, she is sooooo beautiful! She has a head of hair and her smiling eyes are still shiney! I crocheted her a little hat on the way over on the second flight. I put it on and took some pictures. I did not have the chance to make her a photo book, but I did bring a couple of photos. Oh, it was beautiful. I will share more when I am home and rested, but know that she is still a bright little star and all seems well."
A million thanks to Lisa and the rest of the team for taking the time to love all of the waiting kiddos! It means so much to know that they are well! I am encouraged for the first time in months. Even though we still do not have a travel date I am once again hopeful that things will eventually be resolved and Moonbeam and all of her buddies will come home!
God orchestrated the trip perfectly to allow the families to meet with many officials at a strategic time - the week right before Parliament is scheduled to discuss IA once again. Now we wait with baited breath this week to see how they might act on the info shared last week.
One of the wonderful benefits of this trip was that the team had the opportunity to check in on the waiting children. My dear friend and travel buddy Lisa wrote me this email last week....I really haven't stopped smiling since! And I cannot wait to see the photos!
"I just wanted you to know that I spent a little time with A. today. Oh my, she is sooooo beautiful! She has a head of hair and her smiling eyes are still shiney! I crocheted her a little hat on the way over on the second flight. I put it on and took some pictures. I did not have the chance to make her a photo book, but I did bring a couple of photos. Oh, it was beautiful. I will share more when I am home and rested, but know that she is still a bright little star and all seems well."
A million thanks to Lisa and the rest of the team for taking the time to love all of the waiting kiddos! It means so much to know that they are well! I am encouraged for the first time in months. Even though we still do not have a travel date I am once again hopeful that things will eventually be resolved and Moonbeam and all of her buddies will come home!
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Dare to Hope
When you have waited to be a mom since you were a little girl, and waited to complete an international adoption for two and a half years (I started with Guatemala) you begin to lose hope and in an effort to protect your heart you choose not to hope. You begin to choose not to dream about having your little girl at home with you. You start avoiding looking at the pictures of her sweet little face, not because you don't adore her, but because looking at her pictures makes your heart ache so intensely you don't know if you can bear it. You begin to wonder why God would not want to make your dreams come true.?
As 2010 begins, I really sense God saying to me - I want you to "dare to hope"! Even in the midst of the ongoing uncertainty. Even if your heart continues to break - dare to hope! Hope in Me, in my love for you, in my love for Hannah and all of the waiting children. Hope in My commitment to and passion for orphans.
Following along with the Lajoy's adventure of adding two more little girls to their family, reminds me that with God ALL things are possible. (Matthew 19:26)
And so, this year I will dare to hope!
As 2010 begins, I really sense God saying to me - I want you to "dare to hope"! Even in the midst of the ongoing uncertainty. Even if your heart continues to break - dare to hope! Hope in Me, in my love for you, in my love for Hannah and all of the waiting children. Hope in My commitment to and passion for orphans.
Following along with the Lajoy's adventure of adding two more little girls to their family, reminds me that with God ALL things are possible. (Matthew 19:26)
And so, this year I will dare to hope!
Saturday, October 17, 2009
This, I Know...
This baby crying picture is so me right now! Balled up fists, crying my eyes out!
As this wait drags on, I am finding myself frequently in tears as I think about sweet Moonbeam still living in an orphanage, without a family.
I am in tears thinking about her going through another winter there. It's cold!
And to be honest, I am in tears thinking about another holiday season without children of my own to enjoy it with.
I just can't make sense of this at all....and so I cry...often.
Don't get me wrong, I am not hopeless. I still firmly believe that Moonbeam and all of the waiting children will come home. I am just grieving the loss of this time with her. During these formative and crucial years for attachment and development, it breaks my heart that she is not with me. I grieve for both of us. I grieve for all the orphans.
So, in this mess of tears I am finding I have to be really vigilant about my thoughts. The words of Peter speak to me...
1Peter 5:8-11
8Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
10And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 11To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.
10And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 11To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.
When I am alert, this, I know for sure: God is not powerless. He has not forgotten me, Moonbeam or any of the other waiting children. He is not sleeping on the job, He is at work. His plan will prevail! God is mighty to save. He is protecting Moonbeam's heart. His heart breaks with mine for the sweet children.
Joel 2:25 (King James Version)
25And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm, and the caterpiller, and the palmerworm, my great army which I sent among you.
25And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm, and the caterpiller, and the palmerworm, my great army which I sent among you.
I know I am totally taking this verse out of context, but the words keep coming back to me. I will restore to you the years the the locust hath eaten. I really believe that the Lord will restore these years of living in an orphanage to Hannah and me. This, I know....
Friday, October 9, 2009
Butterflies
Today holds the possibility for good news! The butterflies are flying!
Lord - breakthrough!
Lord - breakthrough!
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Anticipation...
that pretty much sums it up....anticipation! With the renewal of hope there is also an anticipation of news, not just news, but good news. I wish I was free to share more, but suffice it to say that movement is occurring. Nothing definite, but movement nonetheless.
Over this past week the waiting 65 families have been supporting each other in ways that are hard to describe. One way that I wanted to share with you, was a post started by one of the dear moms called, "Thread for encouraging verses" - what a fabulous idea - by the end of the day there must have been over 50 verses posted - and encouraging is an understatement for sure!
It is inspiring and contagious to be a part of a group of families who are clinging to the Lord during this prolonged wait.
I especially like this post from one of the moms...
Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.
~ Romans 12:12, NLT
And so, in anticipation of our confident hope being fulfilled, I will leave you with this picture of Moonbeam and I strolling the grounds of the BBH. Hopeful that someday soon, you will be seeing pictures - including our faces - of us strolling the grounds of home.
Over this past week the waiting 65 families have been supporting each other in ways that are hard to describe. One way that I wanted to share with you, was a post started by one of the dear moms called, "Thread for encouraging verses" - what a fabulous idea - by the end of the day there must have been over 50 verses posted - and encouraging is an understatement for sure!
It is inspiring and contagious to be a part of a group of families who are clinging to the Lord during this prolonged wait.
I especially like this post from one of the moms...
Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.
~ Romans 12:12, NLT
And so, in anticipation of our confident hope being fulfilled, I will leave you with this picture of Moonbeam and I strolling the grounds of the BBH. Hopeful that someday soon, you will be seeing pictures - including our faces - of us strolling the grounds of home.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Renewed Hope, but a Breaking Heart, Nonetheless
It's funny, my hope continues to grow that Moonbeam will come home someday, but my heart is breaking in new pieces, knowing that I still have no concrete idea of when. In fact, I really don't know that we are anywhere near closer to a date than we have been in months. As November looms closer (October starts in two days, after all), I am reminded of just how little news or movement happened in November and December last year - so many holidays and days off.
We need a breakthrough, Lord.
We need a breakthrough, Lord.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Updating Paperwork
So, with a heart full of hope, I finally had it in me to write the two paragraph letter to USCIS to request the one time free extension of my I171-H*. Whew - takes a lot out of you. :-)
But seriously, I've just been putting it off because I've felt like nothing was happening so why bother? It's good to have some hope again. I know that we still have no idea when it will happen, but I have to say, I once I again feel like it's not if, it's when will Moonbeam come home?
Hip, Hip, Hooray!
*For those unfamiliar this is the approval one needs for immigration purposes - once we get Moonbeam the heck out of the BBH!
But seriously, I've just been putting it off because I've felt like nothing was happening so why bother? It's good to have some hope again. I know that we still have no idea when it will happen, but I have to say, I once I again feel like it's not if, it's when will Moonbeam come home?
Hip, Hip, Hooray!
*For those unfamiliar this is the approval one needs for immigration purposes - once we get Moonbeam the heck out of the BBH!
Friday, July 3, 2009
Home Study Update
Today was my home study update visit. It was rather bittersweet for me. I cannot believe that I have to go through all of this paperwork and visits etc yet again and sweet Moonbeam still isn't home. (Insert big, heavy sigh here) I've been feeling rather blue lately. OK - I just re-read what I wrote and I'm thinking "wah, wah! Get over yourself, many families have gone before you and have had to update many times! And someday, this will all be worth it!"
On the sweet side, while here, my social worker and I discussed the domestic waiting child program and how the process will unfold. That is exciting and something to look forward to. She even said that it is possible I may have a child at home by the Fall! Wow! To borrow a line from Pamela, I may be having the longest and the shortest pregnancies simultaneously! ACK!
Funny story, Syd told the social worker that she cannot wait for Hannah 1 and Hannah 2 to come home. :-) Even though I have told her they will not both be named Hannah, she tells me, "well, we don't know what the 2nd little girl's name will be so I'm just going to call her Hannah 2 for now." Ahhh, laughter, it's good for the soul.
On the sweet side, while here, my social worker and I discussed the domestic waiting child program and how the process will unfold. That is exciting and something to look forward to. She even said that it is possible I may have a child at home by the Fall! Wow! To borrow a line from Pamela, I may be having the longest and the shortest pregnancies simultaneously! ACK!
Funny story, Syd told the social worker that she cannot wait for Hannah 1 and Hannah 2 to come home. :-) Even though I have told her they will not both be named Hannah, she tells me, "well, we don't know what the 2nd little girl's name will be so I'm just going to call her Hannah 2 for now." Ahhh, laughter, it's good for the soul.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Hope against all hope....
As I sit hear watching the snow come down outside my window, I am attempting to process all that is in my heart. I've spent the last few days realizing how my love for Moonbeam just grows and grows - even though I haven't seen her since August. How is that possible?
I miss her with an ache that cannot be described in words. I am trying to remember all the doors that God has opened for me over the last year - the changes He made in my heart - the timing of her referral - the MANY doors opened related to my trip last August - including the timing and how Elisabeth was able to travel with me (one of my biggest prayers back then was Lord, don't make me go alone!) Just because the door feels like it has slammed shut and is bolted beyond belief I cannot ignore that fact that You led me to Moonbeam and that cannot be a mistake or for nothing!
I was listening to Beth Moore this am (love her!) and she said that sometimes God trusts us more than we trust ourselves. What? As she went on to explain this it really made sense - she said that as we go through difficult times in our lives He knows we can handle things that we would never believe we could! He knows that we can press on when we think NO WAY! This made me wonder if part of the reason He chose me (really all of the 65 waiting families) was because He knew we would wait - He knew that even though there would be this HORRENDOUS delay that we would fight, we would wait, we would never give up on our children. Just like He will never give up on us or our children! Maybe He needed to pick families for these children that would do just that. I'm not sure this makes any sense, but I know that His heart is for each and every one of these orphans and His desire is for them to be at home with us. In loving families that will cherish them the way He does! And someday these 65 waiting children will know how incredibly precious they are, how their families waited and hoped when hope seemed like the most ridiculous thing to do!
I miss her with an ache that cannot be described in words. I am trying to remember all the doors that God has opened for me over the last year - the changes He made in my heart - the timing of her referral - the MANY doors opened related to my trip last August - including the timing and how Elisabeth was able to travel with me (one of my biggest prayers back then was Lord, don't make me go alone!) Just because the door feels like it has slammed shut and is bolted beyond belief I cannot ignore that fact that You led me to Moonbeam and that cannot be a mistake or for nothing!
I was listening to Beth Moore this am (love her!) and she said that sometimes God trusts us more than we trust ourselves. What? As she went on to explain this it really made sense - she said that as we go through difficult times in our lives He knows we can handle things that we would never believe we could! He knows that we can press on when we think NO WAY! This made me wonder if part of the reason He chose me (really all of the 65 waiting families) was because He knew we would wait - He knew that even though there would be this HORRENDOUS delay that we would fight, we would wait, we would never give up on our children. Just like He will never give up on us or our children! Maybe He needed to pick families for these children that would do just that. I'm not sure this makes any sense, but I know that His heart is for each and every one of these orphans and His desire is for them to be at home with us. In loving families that will cherish them the way He does! And someday these 65 waiting children will know how incredibly precious they are, how their families waited and hoped when hope seemed like the most ridiculous thing to do!
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Brothers...
Before the winter storm really got going this am I had coffee with my friends Ted and Richard. I don't have any brothers, but if I did I would hope they would be just like these two! These guys love the Lord, they are amazing Dads, they adore their wives and they are two of my favorite people!
Tonight I sent out a prayer request via email to many friends and family members. I mentioned in the email how hard this wait has been on me and how I've been on the verge of tears most of the time. (Ted and Richard would know - I cried at coffee this am - and you know what they were OK with that - another reason I love these guys!) Ted and Richard were the first two to respond to the request. I wanted to share their responses to my email - I hope it will encourage you the way it did me.
Tonight I sent out a prayer request via email to many friends and family members. I mentioned in the email how hard this wait has been on me and how I've been on the verge of tears most of the time. (Ted and Richard would know - I cried at coffee this am - and you know what they were OK with that - another reason I love these guys!) Ted and Richard were the first two to respond to the request. I wanted to share their responses to my email - I hope it will encourage you the way it did me.
Good Grief what a mess. I am glad you got new pictures! My prayer is for everyone to bring home their kids! Keep smiling, I saw more happy smiles today then I did tears! You know that God is good and will take care of all the details “Greater is he that is in YOU and Hannah, then he who is in the world”.
Love you my friend, Ted
oh, yes...re: the "wait"Yes, and amen - Be His!
Charles Stanley was teaching today about the "wait". He believes the greatest thing we learn as believers is to "wait" and the greatest gift we receive comes through waiting. May your wait not be a weight...once again, cast your care on him, for he cares for you...if you can do it now, you'll be able to do it as a mom and the wait won't be a weight.
Be His,
Richard
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Persecuted, but NOT abandoned...
OK I know that I have not experienced persecution in the classical sense, but the uncertainty, delays, and seemingly, neverending waiting sure feels like it!
This week I've been spending some time in Paul's 2nd letter to the church at Corinth (my fancy way of saying 2 Corinthians) I'm trying to hold on to the hope contained in these verses...
We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. and later in Chapter 4, Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
There is no way I would ever consider abandoning my Moonbeam - I will wait as long as I have to. And if I can make that commitment how much more is God's commitment to me and to my little Moonbeam and all of the waiting children and families. WOW - that's somehting to wrap your brain around. We are not forgotten and definitely not abandoned.
And so I remember that I am not crushed, abandoned, or destroyed. I will try not to complain about my light and momentary troubes, though they seem heavy and lengthy! And I will put my faith firmly in the One who's heart is for the orphan! James 1:27
I'm waiting for you Moonbeam! I will not give up and I will focus on the One who is unseen and eternal! Knowing that He watches over you every minute of everyday!
This week I've been spending some time in Paul's 2nd letter to the church at Corinth (my fancy way of saying 2 Corinthians) I'm trying to hold on to the hope contained in these verses...
We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. and later in Chapter 4, Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
There is no way I would ever consider abandoning my Moonbeam - I will wait as long as I have to. And if I can make that commitment how much more is God's commitment to me and to my little Moonbeam and all of the waiting children and families. WOW - that's somehting to wrap your brain around. We are not forgotten and definitely not abandoned.
And so I remember that I am not crushed, abandoned, or destroyed. I will try not to complain about my light and momentary troubes, though they seem heavy and lengthy! And I will put my faith firmly in the One who's heart is for the orphan! James 1:27
I'm waiting for you Moonbeam! I will not give up and I will focus on the One who is unseen and eternal! Knowing that He watches over you every minute of everyday!
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