Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Psalm 23

As I walk through this adoption journey I find I must be vigilant about my thought life - as Joyce Meyer says "Think about what you are thinking about!" And so I find myself seeking peace in the midst of my ever-changing, often out of control circumstances!

In my quest for the peace that only the Lord can deliver, I came across this paraphrase of Psalm 23 in Linda Dillow's book Calm My Anxious Heart (a must read in my opinion).

The Lord is my peace. I shall not live in anxiety. He puts me under His wing of comfort and calms my spirit within me. He takes all my anxieties on Himself and helps me to focus on Him. Yes, though I walk through a time of grave uncertainties and fierce anxieties. I will not fret for You are my peace. Your Word and Your presence calm me now. You hold my uncertainties in the palm of Your hand. You soothe my anxious mind – You smooth my wrinkled brow. Surely serenity and trust in You shall fill me all the days of my life. And I shall keep my mind stayed on You forever.

Friday, April 25, 2008

A Tale of Two Phone Calls

Yesterday was a day of extremes...

The first phone call came in the afternoon from my adoption agency letting me know that I am now the next mom who will receive a referral of a child! There are no longer any families ahead of me on the wait list. How amazing! Thank you Lord! I feel like I'm on cloud 9! I am told that I will likely receive my referral this Summer - meaning Hannah will likely be coming home this Fall! I am full of excitement, anticipation and all around joy!

Then the second phone call, around 6pm, from my boss, calling to let me know of some immediate changes in the structure of our business relationship. Sadness and fear set in! I have had it all planned out in my head - how my time off from travel will work and how I'll provide for Hannah and I during that time - that is all questionable now - at least in the way I had it all planned out. I feel like the clouds are moving in and my heart is deflated! What was joy and anticipation earlier in the day is now clouded by worry. So many questions run through my head - how will I be able to take my maternity leave? how will I have a steady income during my time off the road?

Last night I spent some time in prayer, and I sensed the Lord is reminding me of His promise to me "I will provide." And I believe that wholeheartedly! But my feelings don't seem to follow!

Today as I am driving around running errands a verse from a Psalm comes to mind....

Psalm 42:11
Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.

I immediately recognize that I have been putting my hope in my plans, in my job, and not in God! The one who has opened all of the doors to make this happen!

Forgive me Lord for trusting more in my plans than in Yours! And thank You for the hope that You have planted in my heart for Your provision for Hannah!