Saturday, October 17, 2009

This, I Know...

This baby crying picture is so me right now! Balled up fists, crying my eyes out!

As this wait drags on, I am finding myself frequently in tears as I think about sweet Moonbeam still living in an orphanage, without a family.

I am in tears thinking about her going through another winter there. It's cold!

And to be honest, I am in tears thinking about another holiday season without children of my own to enjoy it with.

I just can't make sense of this at all....and so I cry...often.

Don't get me wrong, I am not hopeless. I still firmly believe that Moonbeam and all of the waiting children will come home. I am just grieving the loss of this time with her. During these formative and crucial years for attachment and development, it breaks my heart that she is not with me. I grieve for both of us. I grieve for all the orphans.

So, in this mess of tears I am finding I have to be really vigilant about my thoughts. The words of Peter speak to me...

1Peter 5:8-11

8Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
10And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 11To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.

When I am alert, this, I know for sure: God is not powerless. He has not forgotten me, Moonbeam or any of the other waiting children. He is not sleeping on the job, He is at work. His plan will prevail! God is mighty to save. He is protecting Moonbeam's heart. His heart breaks with mine for the sweet children.

Joel 2:25 (King James Version)
25And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm, and the caterpiller, and the palmerworm, my great army which I sent among you.

I know I am totally taking this verse out of context, but the words keep coming back to me. I will restore to you the years the the locust hath eaten. I really believe that the Lord will restore these years of living in an orphanage to Hannah and me. This, I know....


McMary said...

I am so sorry for the hard times you are going through--I can't imagine. As hard as it is sometimes, keep the faith. I believe God has good things in store for you.

I also wanted to let you know that I received my referral 10 days ago and will be traveling to Russia in 10 more days to meet her. I am so happy and excited with the news. I will have to come home without her and I try to keep my expectations in check as the stories of Kryg remind me that it is not over until she is safely in my home.

Laura and Tom said...

Your faith and positive outlook are amazing so you are entitled to a little crying now and again! If there is anything I can do, hope you will let me know.