So I've never blogged before – (is that a verb?) but if I did it might go something like this…
I find myself drawn to mindless things….Chuzzle, ridiculous TV shows, eating chocolate donuts, snuggling with my girls (that is my two dogs) what am I avoiding? Trying to figure out the next steps…how do I fill my week? Which of late has consisted of 4 maybe 5 clients, teaching class just under two hours a week, church, checking email way too many times, exercise and well that may be about it. I feel this sense of sadness and loss – but loss of what? Busyness? Income? A clear path toward adoption?
What next Lord? How do I move toward being able to fulfill the demands of single motherhood? I need to be healthy – physically, emotionally, financially – that's a tall order! I find myself worrying and ruminating but not moving – the only thing is where to move?
My heart is heavy – especially as I think about how much I long to be a mom – and as I consider my current circumstances (bringing in about $300/week) I think how is that possible? But then even as I write that I am reminded that "Nothing is impossible with God!" Luke 1:37 – interesting those are the words an angel said to a young virgin named Mary who was about to become a mother.