I want a God who will cut my losses and cushion my failures, a God who will grant me a life free from pain. I want a God who will rescue me from death, who will delete it from the human experience and find another way to operate. What I, what all of us, have instead is a God who resurrects us from the dead, putting an end to it by working through it instead of around it – creating life in the midst of grief, creating love in the midst of despair – resurrecting us from our big and little deaths, showing us by Jesus’ example that the only road to Easter morning runs smack through Good Friday.Lord, open my heart, my eyes, my mind to all the ways that You are bringing life even in the midst of what often feels like death.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Life in the midst of waiting...
I stumbled across this quote from Barbara Brown Taylor while reading on Joyce Rupp's site and it really resonates with me!
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Pictures from Philly
Indenpendence Hall at the end of the Street - too cool!
Our self portrait :-)
World travellers! Kimberly & Ann
Many thanks to Ann for knowing how to get pictures off her phone into an email attachment!
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Waiting 10 months today...
Earlier today I was reading my friend Alan's blog. The title of his post today is "Trusting in the Dark: A Few Insights" - read the whole post here. It was a really challenging to me and in fact partly inspired my post below.
Here are some things I took away from it: Abraham waited 25 years for God to fulfill His promise that he would be the father of many nations. Not only did he wait that 25 years, but he was old when the promise was made (well over 100 by the time it was fulfilled!), as was Sarah, there was no earthly reason for them to believe that they could have a son together - no reason other than their faith in a God who keeps His promises!
After spending some time reflecting on Alan's comments and then meditating on the passage he mentions in Romans 4, I felt led to write the post below. As I posted it, I noticed on my Lilypie ticker that I have been waiting 10 months today to bring Hannah home. Ten months and I am a mess - I feel grouchy OK, in all honesty really angry at God for making me wait -for making Hannah wait - contrast this with the 25 years Abraham waited.....ouch! What in the world is my problem? Not that I don't believe God's heart aches to get Hannah out of the orphanage - I know it does, not that I think I have to put on a happy face and pretend it doesn't hurt like hell - I know He doesn't expect that, but I also believe that He is asking me to wait and He is wanting to build my faith and like I said below - I think He knows I can handle the wait and will NOT give up. (Insert deep breath and long exhale here...)
Father, I know You are good and I can trust You. I know Your ways are not my ways, and Your plan is better than anything I could ever dream up. Build my faith, increase my trust, help me to focus on You. Protect all of the Kyrgyz children who are without families. Please be their Abba - their daddy. Fill their hearts with Your love. Move on the hearts of the Kyrgyz government - give them a burden for their children and motivate them to move quickly for the good of their children! Amen.
Here are some things I took away from it: Abraham waited 25 years for God to fulfill His promise that he would be the father of many nations. Not only did he wait that 25 years, but he was old when the promise was made (well over 100 by the time it was fulfilled!), as was Sarah, there was no earthly reason for them to believe that they could have a son together - no reason other than their faith in a God who keeps His promises!
After spending some time reflecting on Alan's comments and then meditating on the passage he mentions in Romans 4, I felt led to write the post below. As I posted it, I noticed on my Lilypie ticker that I have been waiting 10 months today to bring Hannah home. Ten months and I am a mess - I feel grouchy OK, in all honesty really angry at God for making me wait -for making Hannah wait - contrast this with the 25 years Abraham waited.....ouch! What in the world is my problem? Not that I don't believe God's heart aches to get Hannah out of the orphanage - I know it does, not that I think I have to put on a happy face and pretend it doesn't hurt like hell - I know He doesn't expect that, but I also believe that He is asking me to wait and He is wanting to build my faith and like I said below - I think He knows I can handle the wait and will NOT give up. (Insert deep breath and long exhale here...)
Father, I know You are good and I can trust You. I know Your ways are not my ways, and Your plan is better than anything I could ever dream up. Build my faith, increase my trust, help me to focus on You. Protect all of the Kyrgyz children who are without families. Please be their Abba - their daddy. Fill their hearts with Your love. Move on the hearts of the Kyrgyz government - give them a burden for their children and motivate them to move quickly for the good of their children! Amen.
Hope against all hope....
As I sit hear watching the snow come down outside my window, I am attempting to process all that is in my heart. I've spent the last few days realizing how my love for Moonbeam just grows and grows - even though I haven't seen her since August. How is that possible?
I miss her with an ache that cannot be described in words. I am trying to remember all the doors that God has opened for me over the last year - the changes He made in my heart - the timing of her referral - the MANY doors opened related to my trip last August - including the timing and how Elisabeth was able to travel with me (one of my biggest prayers back then was Lord, don't make me go alone!) Just because the door feels like it has slammed shut and is bolted beyond belief I cannot ignore that fact that You led me to Moonbeam and that cannot be a mistake or for nothing!
I was listening to Beth Moore this am (love her!) and she said that sometimes God trusts us more than we trust ourselves. What? As she went on to explain this it really made sense - she said that as we go through difficult times in our lives He knows we can handle things that we would never believe we could! He knows that we can press on when we think NO WAY! This made me wonder if part of the reason He chose me (really all of the 65 waiting families) was because He knew we would wait - He knew that even though there would be this HORRENDOUS delay that we would fight, we would wait, we would never give up on our children. Just like He will never give up on us or our children! Maybe He needed to pick families for these children that would do just that. I'm not sure this makes any sense, but I know that His heart is for each and every one of these orphans and His desire is for them to be at home with us. In loving families that will cherish them the way He does! And someday these 65 waiting children will know how incredibly precious they are, how their families waited and hoped when hope seemed like the most ridiculous thing to do!
I miss her with an ache that cannot be described in words. I am trying to remember all the doors that God has opened for me over the last year - the changes He made in my heart - the timing of her referral - the MANY doors opened related to my trip last August - including the timing and how Elisabeth was able to travel with me (one of my biggest prayers back then was Lord, don't make me go alone!) Just because the door feels like it has slammed shut and is bolted beyond belief I cannot ignore that fact that You led me to Moonbeam and that cannot be a mistake or for nothing!
I was listening to Beth Moore this am (love her!) and she said that sometimes God trusts us more than we trust ourselves. What? As she went on to explain this it really made sense - she said that as we go through difficult times in our lives He knows we can handle things that we would never believe we could! He knows that we can press on when we think NO WAY! This made me wonder if part of the reason He chose me (really all of the 65 waiting families) was because He knew we would wait - He knew that even though there would be this HORRENDOUS delay that we would fight, we would wait, we would never give up on our children. Just like He will never give up on us or our children! Maybe He needed to pick families for these children that would do just that. I'm not sure this makes any sense, but I know that His heart is for each and every one of these orphans and His desire is for them to be at home with us. In loving families that will cherish them the way He does! And someday these 65 waiting children will know how incredibly precious they are, how their families waited and hoped when hope seemed like the most ridiculous thing to do!
Friday, April 17, 2009
We Meet, (in person that is) at Last!
On Wednesday I flew to Philadelphia for a business meeting. My friend Ann over at Adoption Geography graciously picked me up at the airport. While we had never met in person, when I threw my luggage in the back seat and hopped in her car it felt like two old friends meeting for dinner and a time to catch up.
The Internet is an amazing thing! Ann and I "met" last June, shortly after I accepted Hannah's referral. We started emailing after our adoption agency connected us so I could take some of Ann's documents with me to Kyrg in August and we haven't stopped communicating since. At a minimum we have this tradition of the Sunday night email - checking in on each other's weeks and how we are each surviving the wait. Funny, it always seems that when one of us is feeling particularly discouraged the other seems particularly hopeful.
Ann's friend recommended El Vez a Mexican restaurant not far from Independence Hall - it was awesome. We had some margaritas, some dinner and chatted about life, our girls, and future plans.
There is something very comforting about a friend who knows your pain firsthand. Ann is just that friend!
One of the silver linings of this not so shiny waiting period is the many virtual friends I have made. I feel so blessed to have connected with a group of people who advocate so tirelessly for the benefit of the Kyrgyz orphans.
The Internet is an amazing thing! Ann and I "met" last June, shortly after I accepted Hannah's referral. We started emailing after our adoption agency connected us so I could take some of Ann's documents with me to Kyrg in August and we haven't stopped communicating since. At a minimum we have this tradition of the Sunday night email - checking in on each other's weeks and how we are each surviving the wait. Funny, it always seems that when one of us is feeling particularly discouraged the other seems particularly hopeful.
Ann's friend recommended El Vez a Mexican restaurant not far from Independence Hall - it was awesome. We had some margaritas, some dinner and chatted about life, our girls, and future plans.
There is something very comforting about a friend who knows your pain firsthand. Ann is just that friend!
One of the silver linings of this not so shiny waiting period is the many virtual friends I have made. I feel so blessed to have connected with a group of people who advocate so tirelessly for the benefit of the Kyrgyz orphans.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Good Friday
Good Friday - incredibly good for us - an oxymoron for Jesus - although I don't believe He saw it that way. It never ceases to amaze me.
This year I let Easter sneak up on me and I regret it. Caught up in the pain of waiting I have to admit I haven't prepared my heart the way I would like.
I really prefer to observe Lent and prepare my heart for the wonder of Easter - Resurrection Sunday - Reconciliation Sunday might be an even better word for it.
Good Friday and Easter are all about reconciliation! The hope of reconciling with God through His amazing sacrifice on Good Friday.
Interesting, the pain I've experienced over these last eight months is all about hoping to reconcile with my sweet Hannah.
But for now, I will embrace the reconciliation offered to me by a risen Savior! Who patiently accepts me for the mess that I am - mercifully forgives me for being too wrapped up in my own pain to remember His.
He is risen!
(here's your part you say: He is risen indeed!)
This year I let Easter sneak up on me and I regret it. Caught up in the pain of waiting I have to admit I haven't prepared my heart the way I would like.
I really prefer to observe Lent and prepare my heart for the wonder of Easter - Resurrection Sunday - Reconciliation Sunday might be an even better word for it.
Good Friday and Easter are all about reconciliation! The hope of reconciling with God through His amazing sacrifice on Good Friday.
Interesting, the pain I've experienced over these last eight months is all about hoping to reconcile with my sweet Hannah.
But for now, I will embrace the reconciliation offered to me by a risen Savior! Who patiently accepts me for the mess that I am - mercifully forgives me for being too wrapped up in my own pain to remember His.
He is risen!
(here's your part you say: He is risen indeed!)
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Bay Bridge and Seafood at Sunset. Oh My!
Spent the weekend in San Francisco...for work! Yuck! (the working part, not the SF part - I love that town!)
Anyhow, I did have the luxury of Friday evening with my dear friend from college, Linda. She graciously picked me up at the airport. Now that's true friendship - to pick me up during Friday evening traffic in the Bay Area. You're a gem Linda!
In search of seafood, (I just don't get enough of that living in a land locked state) Linda took me to the Ferry Building down on the water along the Embarcadero. It was a beautiful evening and we sat outside, in full view of the Bay Bridge, enjoying our "Crab Tower" entree - it was amazing! We had great fun chatting and catching up on all that's going on in our lives.
Friday evening was over far too quickly and the reality of a working weekend set in. (Insert heavy sigh here) All for a good cause - for Hannah's college fund one day, right?
Anyhow, I did have the luxury of Friday evening with my dear friend from college, Linda. She graciously picked me up at the airport. Now that's true friendship - to pick me up during Friday evening traffic in the Bay Area. You're a gem Linda!
In search of seafood, (I just don't get enough of that living in a land locked state) Linda took me to the Ferry Building down on the water along the Embarcadero. It was a beautiful evening and we sat outside, in full view of the Bay Bridge, enjoying our "Crab Tower" entree - it was amazing! We had great fun chatting and catching up on all that's going on in our lives.
Friday evening was over far too quickly and the reality of a working weekend set in. (Insert heavy sigh here) All for a good cause - for Hannah's college fund one day, right?
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