As I sit hear watching the snow come down outside my window, I am attempting to process all that is in my heart. I've spent the last few days realizing how my love for Moonbeam just grows and grows - even though I haven't seen her since August. How is that possible?
I miss her with an ache that cannot be described in words. I am trying to remember all the doors that God has opened for me over the last year - the changes He made in my heart - the timing of her referral - the MANY doors opened related to my trip last August - including the timing and how Elisabeth was able to travel with me (one of my biggest prayers back then was Lord, don't make me go alone!) Just because the door feels like it has slammed shut and is bolted beyond belief I cannot ignore that fact that You led me to Moonbeam and that cannot be a mistake or for nothing!
I was listening to Beth Moore this am (love her!) and she said that sometimes God trusts us more than we trust ourselves. What? As she went on to explain this it really made sense - she said that as we go through difficult times in our lives He knows we can handle things that we would never believe we could! He knows that we can press on when we think NO WAY! This made me wonder if part of the reason He chose me (really all of the 65 waiting families) was because He knew we would wait - He knew that even though there would be this HORRENDOUS delay that we would fight, we would wait, we would never give up on our children. Just like He will never give up on us or our children! Maybe He needed to pick families for these children that would do just that. I'm not sure this makes any sense, but I know that His heart is for each and every one of these orphans and His desire is for them to be at home with us. In loving families that will cherish them the way He does! And someday these 65 waiting children will know how incredibly precious they are, how their families waited and hoped when hope seemed like the most ridiculous thing to do!